In his book “The Big Leap”, author Garry Hendricks writes that each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.

Does this sound familiar?

As a personal life strategy coach I have found that what influences your inner thermostat setting the most are the beliefs you hold about yourself. Some of these beliefs are limiting - even erroneous -  and hold you back from enjoying all the love, financial abundance, and creativity that’s rightfully yours.

But unless you make a concerted effort and commitment to change your inner thermostat setting will remain the same, your past story will continue into the present and beyond.

But what if you could make the desired changes you seek in your personal life or career, would you? What if you would choose, decide, take action and realize your goals? What would the payoff be if you really made this happen? How valuable would that be?

What would that be worth to you? How would that change your life's situation?

Of course this possibility would be tremendously valuable  - not only in terms of financial gain, but in terms of happiness, emotional health, personal growth, and personal success.

Stop sabotaging yourself and unlock your true potential. Schedule a complimentary coaching strategy session today and learn more about how life coaching may benefit your current life or career situation.

In a continuation of our life coaching articles series on Jim Rohn, let’s explore the second and third piece that comprises his Life Puzzle. 

Attitude

Jim Rohn defines attitude by stating: "Your attitude is defined by how you FEEL about the past, the present and the future.  This is the emotional side of the puzzle.  How we FEEL about our experiences in life can either stop us in our tracks or inspire us to action."

We all have a choice that we can make: we can let the past overwhelm us, or we can let the past educate us.  And unless we can learn from the past, the chances are that our future will be much of the same.

But there’s something special about this moment: you can decide right here, right now where you want to be in twelve months.  That’s the incredible power of attitude.

Rohn makes two important notes while talking about attitude:

•  The power of associations.  Who am I around?  How are they influencing me? Is that okay
•  The notion of building a high self-worth in order to create a better future.

He brings in this fantastic quote to sum up the above points:

"If there is one are in the knowledge department where we cannot afford to be lacking, it is the knowledge and awareness of our uniqueness.  We do not feel better about ourselves for the simple reason that we do not really know ourselves.  For if we truly knew ourselves- our strengths, our abilities, our resources, our depth of feeling, our sense of humor, our unique accomplishments – we would never again doubt our ability to create a better future."

I’d like to take a moment to tie this section into a topic that’s been a constant presence in the media today: bullying.  When you don’t feel valued, or when you have a low sense of self-worth, the future becomes very bleak.  When some children are bullied, they think their futures are so bleak that they take their own lives.  This is UNACCEPTABLE in the society we live in.  It’s not just the school system that’s failing these kids; “we” as a society are failing these kids.

In the words of Rohn, “We become a powerful force when each of us understands how powerful all of us are and when all of us understand how valuable each of us is.”

Therefore it is our responsibility as a society to teach kids the importance of understanding how valuable each person really is, no matter what the color of their skin or sexual orientation.  But if we keep sending messages that it is NOT okay to be different and unique, then we can only find fault within ourselves.

Teaching shouldn’t be just about algebra and science; we need to help children learn to understand themselves, discover their unique talents and accept the uniqueness of all.  Personal development SHOULD become part of the school curriculum. 

Activity

Rohn starts off this section with another powerful quote: “But a growing awareness and a positive attitude are not enough in and of themselves.  What we know and how we feel merely determine our potential for achievement.  Whether we actually achieve our goals is ultimately determined by our activity.”

In other words, even the best intentions are useless without action.  To live a successful life, you must take steps towards you ultimate goals, no matter how small those steps may be.  After all, taking action – even a tiny step – is still activity.

ALIVE MAGAZINE Column: Creating Work That Matters

Career coach Dieter Pauwels talks strategy for making it happen

It’s estimated that the average person will spend more than 60 percent of his or her life doing work-related activities, so why spend that time in a career that doesn’t fit? Wouldn’t it make sense to find a meaningful career you like and enjoy? I don’t know many people who’d willingly opt for the alternative, so perhaps the better question is: How do you find it, or even begin to know what you’re looking for? It’s a question I hear time and time again as a career and life strategy coach.   Read full article here 

Have you ever been told: "You know you can do it!", or "All it takes it takes is willpower and discipline", but for some reason you did not succeed in following through? Or have you ever caught yourself thinking, "I should have known better…", but you did it anyway? Do you ever wonder why?

The answer lies within one of the most fundamental human conflicts; the conflict between the head and the heart. A conflict between what we know we should do and what we really want for ourselves, yet we are not always clear about what causes us to make those choices. This classical dilemma is about a conflict between your 'social self' and your 'authentic self'.

The world of your social self is conditioned by the rules of your upbringing, the beliefs and values of your family and culture you were born into. It determines the criteria by which we measure whether you fit in, feel accepted, acknowledged and validated.

It gives us a sense of security and a feeling of belonging. It outlines what we have to do, and how we are supposed to be, to be okay. The world of the social self is about how we respond to the expectations of others.

On the other hand, there is the world of your authentic self. Your authentic self is expressed through your heart's desires. It is what you truly want for yourself. It is more about being than about doing. It is the world of your inner feelings and intuition. It is the world of heart and passion.

As a life coach I often work with people who experience inner turmoil, anxiety, or stress, and more often the not it's because the voice of their authentic self is muffled, overwhelmed, even strangled, by the voices of other people's expectations or the voice of your own social self.

Past experiences and your sense of logic might lead you down a certain path, yet it cannot assure whether your heart will be in it!

I believe we all want to be happy, yet we don't always know what makes us happy!
Unless we get very clear about our personal 'criteria', the things that are really important to our authentic selves, we remain stuck, feel anxious and sometimes even get depressed.

If you wish to experience more joy and fulfillment, listen to your own heart for direction, because these are sounds no one else can hear. Dare to be yourself. As Montana Gray said so simply, "When you live your authentic life, you have no competition!"

If life were a game, how can you win?
Like every game, there are a certain set of rules that must be followed.  There are points to score.  Penalties to avoid.  And if you want to be really successful at the game, then you want to study and understand all the rules.

But when it comes to winning in the game of life, just what are the rules – and what happens when we don’t choose to play by them?
The simple answer is that there is no one set of rules that everyone has to follow to win at life.  Sure, we may have cultural, legal and even social rules, but these pale in comparison to the rules of leading a successful and fulfilling life.  These rules of the game are a bit harder to figure out, simply because these rules are made – and can be broken – by you.

Let’s face it: when we live by someone else’s rules, we can never truly enjoy a rewarding personal and professional life.  For example, if you’re continually striving to live by the rules of someone who’s been a major success in your field or industry, then you’ll never get the opportunity to experience what it’s like to trail-blaze your own path.  You’re living life by someone else’s game rules – and because you’re not that person, you’re setting yourself up to lose.

Let’s look at an example of someone who’s certainly living by his own set of rules: Charlie Sheen.  No matter what your opinion may be about him, there’s no denying that he makes and succeeds at his own game.  When CBS booted him off of his wildly successful sitcom "Two and a Half Men," he didn’t beg for them to take him back.  Instead, he made a different set of rules by launching an extremely popular viral video channel and comedy tour worth millions of dollars.  His catchphrases are so beloved that they’ve even made their way into our cultural zeitgeist ("winning" and "tiger blood" are a few that come to mind). 

Now how does this relate to our personal lives?  While you don’t have to go to the extent of Charlie Sheen (in fact, as a personal life coach I wouldn’t recommend it), it’s important to define success on your own terms, not others.  Playing by another person’s set of rules is tiring – after all, no game is enjoyable when you can’t possibly win at it. 

By changing the rules of the game – or playing a different game altogether – you’re already on a path to winning at the game of life.

Why would anyone be afraid of success?  Spiders, yes. Fear of heights, sure. Anxiety and fear of public speaking, of course. But fear of success?

It might surprise you to know that many, many people - if not the majority - are actually afraid of being successful. This comes as a surprise to many people because it seems so counter-intuitive and because we often never realize that this is at the heart of achieving the results we deserve in our professional and personal lives. Consider the following thoughts and beliefs that often surface during life coaching dialogues:

• the thought that you are unworthy of having good things happen to you—good things only happen to other people
• being paralyzed by the thought that if you try and you fail, it will be too devastating
• believing that you're just not good enough, not talented enough, not competent enough, not deserving enough, etc.
• thinking that somehow anything you accomplish will explode and turn into something bad or painful down the road
• the idea that no matter how much you win and succeed, it'll never be enough to satisfy you or fill up your emptiness
• only being able to see the other people in the world that you perceive as being better than you are and feeling intimidated by them
• thinking that once (or if) you get to the top, you won't be able to stay there
• believing that once you start a project and get your hopes up, your motivation will fade and you'll just be letting yourself down

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? If so, the first step is to recognize and acknowledge that you are sabotaging yourself with self-destructive thinking based on erroneous belief patterns. Once you identify the limiting belief(s), ask yourself what holding this belief achieved for you in the past? You see, we don’t adopt beliefs that serve no purpose. Only when you recognize and fully understand the positive purpose of the belief can you not only challenge it but replace it with a more empowering belief. Examples of positive and empowering beliefs are:

• "I am really good at giving and receiving."
• "I deserve to be paid well for my work."
• "I am good enough to have what I want."
• "I am as good as anyone to have what I want."
• "I can have what I want and be really lovable"
• "I'm the kind of person who gets what I want by asking."
• "I deserve to have what I want in life."
• "I can have what I want, and help others get what they want."
• "When I follow my heart, I create what I want."
• "I can have money and be close to my family."
• "When I really know what I want, things come to me naturally."
• "My needs are as important as anyone's."
• "I can achieve whatever I set my mind to do."
• "I can have what I want and still be connected to God."
• "I am safe to be all of who I am."

If you realize now that you do have a fear of success or you recognize that you’re still holding on to limiting beliefs, consider working with a trained and qualified life coach for assistance and guidance.

Do you sometimes make assumptions? How often have you judged the book by the cover? Making assumptions or mindreading can be a hard habit to break completely. Sometimes we make assumptions by predicting outcomes, thinking you are just putting 2 and 2 together, going along with rumors and speculation or stereotyping people by the way they look or talk.

We make assumptions because we are uncomfortable with uncertainty, with not knowing. Our egos want answers, explanations, categories, and clear delineations. Therefore, in the face of "not knowing," we think, "Well, it must be like this then." Then the overactive mind relaxes and says, "OK, I've got that figured out. Now I can stop worrying." Change and new information can be difficult to process. Our minds want things to be easy and familiar and even predictable. We have a tendency to assume in order to make the new information easier to digest, so it fits within our view of reality or map of the world. 

When making assumptions we often miss out on opportunities. We fail to make connections. We burn bridges. We miss out on living life on life's terms. We expect that things should be a specific way, and when it doesn't turn out like that, we are shocked or disappointed or even angry. However, by being more consciously aware of our tendency to make assumptions, we can get to know and experience life on a deeper level. Rather than having a superficial "cover of the book" level relationship with people, places, and things, we can calmly say, "I don't know, but I'm going to find out." Start asking questions and experiencing what you don't know.

Often we make assumptions because we want to control the uncontrollable - life. Obviously, this is a futile waste of time and energy. A great way to relax that need to control and stop searching for unknowable answers by making assumptions is to use the famous serenity prayer:

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."- Reinhold Niebuhr

Stop assuming and start living today!

In Pema Chodron's book "Comfortable with Uncertainty", she writes, "We can try to control the uncontrollable by looking for security and predictability, always hoping to be comfortable and safe. But the truth is we can never avoid uncertainty. This not-knowing is part of the adventure." Accepting uncertainty is one of the greatest challenges in life.

Things change little by little every day, yet sometimes we hardly realize it. Other times change hits us over the head like a ton of bricks. We feel paralyzed and can hardly move. In the face of this uncertainty, many people adopt unhealthy coping mechanisms. We have a tendency to build walls around ourselves, locking in what we are comfortable with and blocking out what seems to difficult. As always, the fear of change is often worse than the actual change itself.

When you believe that the universe is a friendly place and that there are no such things as coincidences, uncertainty is not an enormous hurdle. It becomes a fact of life, like eating, sleeping, traffic, and so on. You've probably heard the saying, "Let go, let God." This saying speaks precisely to accepting uncertainty. The first step is accepting and understanding that uncertainty is a part of life. The solution to any problem begins with understanding and accepting the reality of your current situation without judgment. As a life coach I have found that when you judge a situation, you take away the opportunity for positive change.

In her book, Pema Chodron poses this question on the importance of accepting life's uncertainties, "Do I prefer to grow up and relate to life directly, or do I choose to live and die in fear?" So not only is accepting uncertainty a sign of maturity, but it is something we do from a place of love, rather than fear. Without even realizing, many people stop welcoming life's uncertainties. Their lives lose flavor and meaning. On the other hand, waking up each morning with a smile and thinking that each day is a magical surprise will spice up your reality and give everything you do a greater purpose.

"A warrior accepts that we can never know what will happen to us next." -Pema Chodron

The power of intention can change your life. Every action, every behavior is grounded in intention, whether or not you are consciously aware of it. As a personal life coach, let me share with you how the power of intention is important to your personal success and how you can take charge of your future with a few simple changes in your thinking.

The Intention Cycle

Your intention determines what you focus on. What you focus on determines how you will experience any given situation. The way you experience things then determines how you feel. Of course, the better you feel about yourself and what is possible, the more confident you will become in yourself and the brighter your future will begin to look. The better you feel, the more compelled you will be to take action. You can think of this as a cycle with the following components: Intention, focus, experience, feeling and action.

Setting Your Intent

Harnessing the power of intention begins with setting your intent. Perhaps you want to have a better job, more money, or a more fulfilling relationship? It all starts with setting your intention. Setting your intent is about directing your focus in the present moment toward a future outcome. It is about making conscious and committed decisions to attract certain experiences and outcomes in your life, even when you aren't sure when or how they will manifest. “Intention” is not so much something you do--it is more about the kind of experiences you attract by consciously focusing on what you want. Once you set your intent, it will affect how you behave, your communication, your mood, and even how you respond to life.

Once you have set your intention, your mind will start searching for ways to experience what you want. It will go to work figuring out how it can create these kinds of experiences. For example, if you have an important meeting coming up, sit down and write down your intentions for it. Perhaps it's important to have fun, be productive, connect with others, feel peace, or be helpful. You'll notice your meeting is more likely to manifest how you like when your intent is set on it. Carry these intentions in your mind everywhere you go and be attentive to your surroundings. Look for synchronicity as the right opportunities will suddenly present themselves!

The power of intention can change your life. Your intention determines what you focus on - both positive and negative - and what you focus on determines how you will experience any given situation. Choose your intentions wisely.

As a personal life coach , people often describe a similar scenario that creeps up in our modern daily lives.  They feel like they're just going through the motions, like they’re just coping with the events in their lives without feeling fully the experience of being alive. Instead of owning and directing the events of your life, daily circumstances seem to own and direct them. Does that sound familar?

This is what I call sleepwalking through your day.  It's when you feel like you have no control, and that other people and the circumstance own your life journey. When we find we are sleepwalking, we often avoid making decisions instead of choosing to stand up and take power back, as if we have already accepted that power is gone, leaving us unable to decide.

The bottom line is that even though you're going through the day, you’re not getting much from the day.  There's no purpose behind this kind of blind forward movement.  Life has no energy. You start to lose self respect and wonder what happened to all the dreams you once had as a kid, if you even bother to wonder any more at all. Yet, we all go through these periods or slumps in our lives. 

It's a natural cycle we all go through, just like in nature we have the ebb and flow of day and night.
There is some merit to the observation that if we never had down times we would not have the capacity to appreciate the ups. 
The problem arises when this continues for a prolonged period of time and becomes a dark cloud that not only hangs over us but represents our experience of life.  It wears on us and breaks us down—no person can sustain this feeling.  We start to feel depressed.  We get easily irritated.  We get down on ourselves and those around us.

But it’s important to develop the life skill of snapping out of this mind frame, and the first step towards gaining that skill is to define what you want out of life. But why is it so important to know what you want?  Isn’t the desire for happiness enough?
Well, if you don’t know what you want, than it becomes tempting for other people to tell you what they want you to do. Why would you want someone else decide for you what you want in your life? What is the cost of living that way?

I would venture that the cost is your individuality, your freedom, you self-confidence.  And even your life.  Life is short, and time is your most valuable resource—the measure of every moment—why would you give this resource away?
Knowing what you want not only empowers you to make decisions but it also helps you to take ownership of your own life. What makes our lives different is based on what we want and the decisions and choices we make because of that.

Because a defined "want" becomes our purpose—a fixed point on the horizon—and our decisions become the tools we use to steer towards that fixed point.  Without decision, without a fixed purpose, we have no direction and we are bound to stray off course.  How can you even have a course if you never take the time to define it?

So why is it sometimes so difficult to make decisions?

The word decision is derived from the Latin verb “de -caedere” which means to cut off. Every time we make a decision, we’re faced with a trade-off. Saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else, and thus in the process of making decisions we’re sometimes confronted with this feeling of loss. And it makes sense.  Because every time we choose something, we have chosen not to opt for countless other paths in life.  You can only take one course.  You can only move in one direction at a time.  But the right decision-making process can help you to define which course leads to the greater good.

The Process of Defining What you Want

Answering this life coaching question of what you want requires a holistic view of life that identifies the different areas of healthy living—family, relationships, career, health etc.   Life is a system, and as in any other living system, balance is vital.  Every component affects the other components, and in order for the system to function properly they must exist in harmonious balance.
 
First, sit down and define your level of satisfaction in each area, using a scale of 1 to 10. In a perfect world, you would have 10 in each area–but that is not reality. We are never a perfect 10.  Just as the components of Nature’s systems fluctuate and re-balance from time to time, our own components are constantly shuffling.  The most important thing is realizing the need to strive for balance.

Zoom in on each of the different components.  Let’s say your level of satisfaction in your career is currently at a level 3.  Okay, so what would a career level 9 look like for you? How would that be different? How would that affect the other areas in your life?

Take a close look at that gap between level 3 and level 9. What is the difference between your current career situation and your desired career situation? And how does that affect the overall quality and balance in your life.

Once we clarify what that higher level means just in that one area of our life, we can start setting goals.  We have spotted our fixed point on the horizon, and now we can navigate towards it.  Obstacles may lie before us, just as people and resources will help us proceed.  But with a plan of action, we can now make decisions.  And that is the true essence of moving forward.