Peter Drucker, widely considered to be "the father of modern management”, was one of the most brilliant and insightful thinkers and writers on management in the history of mankind.

Reading what he said in 1999 about “Managing Oneself” has inspired my current work as professional life coach and career consultant. I wanted to share some of his thoughts.

Peter Drucker, in his own words....

“In a few hundred years, when the history of our time will be written from a long term perspective, I think it is very probable that the most important event these historians will see is not technology, it is not the Internet, it is not e-commerce. It is an unprecedented change in the human condition. For the first time, substantial and rapidly growing numbers of people have choices. For the first time, they will have to manage themselves. And let me say, we are totally unprepared for it.”

We will have to learn where we belong, what our strengths are, what we have to learn so that we get the full benefit from it, where our defects are, what we are not good at, what our values are. For the first time in human history, we will have to learn to take responsibility for managing ourselves. And as I said, this is probably a much greater challenge than any technology – a change in the human condition. Nobody teaches it – no school, no college – and it probably will be another hundred years before they teach it.

In the mean time, the achievers, and I don’t mean millionaires, but rather the ones who want to make a contribution, who want to lead a fulfilling life, and want to feel that there is some purpose in their being on this earth. They will have to learn something which, only a few years ago, a very few super achieves ever knew. They will have to learn to manage themselves, to build on their strengths, to build on their values.”

In this video,St. Louis based life coach and career consultant Dieter Pauwels talks about the importance of understanding and living your core values to attract more of the life experiences you seek.

Life Coaching Core Values from Dieter Pauwels on Vimeo.

If you're like me, and most other people, there are things in your life that you wish were different and would like to change for the better. Although you may have had the best intentions to change in the past, for some reason you have not been able to successfully achieve the results you want.

Perhaps you have wanted to kick a bad habit. Or you feel you deserve a raise or promotion at work, yet something is preventing you from asking for it. Alternatively, you find yourself in a relationship that is no longer fulfilling. Maybe you have wanted to lose weight, and have tried all the miracle diets, or joined a local health club, but never shed those extra pounds.

What could prevent you from making the changes you desire?

1. Positive side effects 

Sometimes you may try to create change in your life, but you are not consciously aware of the positive benefits or side effects that you are getting from your current situation.

Some people who label themselves as depressed, stay depressed, because of the extra emotional attention they are receiving from family and friends. The desire for attention, or the need for significance, becomes a strong enough motivator for them to stay depressed.

Think about the positive benefits of the situation you would like to change. What are some of the emotional, mental or physical positive side effects of your current situation? How important are these benefits to you? How could you maintain the same positive side effect by making the change you desire?

2. Inner conflict

Sometimes you may resist the change you think you want, because of an inner conflict between the values you hold.
 
Values are basically ideals that are important to you in your life. They are usually expressed in abstract terms such as success, respect, freedom, health, love, loyalty, honesty, integrity and so forth.
 
Let's assume that you want to get a promotion at work but never asked for it.
 
Now imagine for a moment that you actually did receive the promotion you wanted. What would getting a promotion mean to you? More money? And how important would that be compared to some other values that you hold? 
 
If a promotion means a better paycheck, but it also means more time away from your family, this may create inner conflict which will likely cause you to resist moving forward. What you resist will persist!

3. Self-limiting beliefs and thoughts
 

Another reason why you might resist change is because t you’re holding on to limiting or outdated beliefs that prevent you from moving forward and getting the results you really want.
 
Think about the change you want to make …
 
How confident are you that reaching your goal or outcome is possible for you? Do you believe that you have what it takes to make that change? In other words, do you believe that you are truly capable of getting what you want? Do you believe you are deserving of the change you want?

Now, again imagine that you already successfully achieved your outcome. How would this new situation affect you and the people around you? And, would that be okay? 
 
By exploring some of the questions above, you may discover some limiting beliefs you hold about yourself or the situation you want to change. 

It is only when you become consciously aware of the internal barriers - positive side effects, conflicting values or limiting beliefs - that you will be able to make a full personal commitment to the process of change.

Question # 3: "How Do I Honor My Core Values?"

Your core values express the essence of who you are. Although you may share similar values with others, you have a unique set of values. Many of the important decisions that you make, and the actions you take, are based on the values that you hold. Your values, together with the beliefs that support them, are an energetic driving force and provide meaning and direction in your life.

If you commit time and energy to something that violates or neglects one of your core values, you will most likely feel resentful and frustrated. If your values are not respected at your job or in your relationships, you will feel that something is missing.

While it is enormously helpful to know your core values, it is not always easy to identify them.
Often these things are so much a part of who you are, that they become invisible to you.

Create a list for yourself by thinking about the ideas and questions below. Don’t worry about getting it right and capturing all of your values. Your list will be a work in progress. Also, your values don’t have to be a single word; they could be a string of words or sentences or themes. Find the words that work best for you.

Think about the following questions:

• What is important to you?
  
• What do you really care about?
  
• What do you really want in your life?
  
• When do you feel happiest?
  
• Select a time from your life when you felt particular fulfilled. There may have been challenges,but you were still on a roll. It may have been a few minutes, or hours or days. What was important about that experience? What values were you honoring?
  
• What do you react negatively to? What makes you angry or frustrated?
  What value is being violated? What kinds of situations cause you to feel incongruent? When are you not being true to yourself?

For each of us, there are usually values that are so much a part of us that we don’t even think to put them on a list. These are often our most dearly held values. A teacher might fail to include learning; an artist might forget to write down creativity, a business owner might overlook financial success.

Generate a list of values. Next notice which of these in your life you are honoring, which "get lost" or are neglected, and which you sometimes violate through behaviors or choices.

Question # 10: "How am I spending my time?"

Question # 9: "What Would I Do If I Knew I Couldn’t Fail?"

Question # 8: "Who Am I becoming?"

Question # 7: "What Am I Tolerating?"

Question # 6: "Where Do I Focus My Attention?"

Question # 5: "How Am I Using My Talents?

Question # 4: "Who Do I spend My Time With?

Take a moment and write down the unique qualities that define you?
What are the qualities that are at the core of who you are?

What does it mean to be congruent?

Congruency is derived from the Latin verb 'congruere', which means 'to meet together' or 'to agree'.

Being congruent is when, who you are (values and beliefs), what you say, and what you do is in agreement or harmony.

At a deeper level, personal congruency exists when your true desires (intention), your thoughts (attention), feelings and actions are aligned with your core values. Only then can you move toward balance in your life and experience more joy, fun and fulfillment. Congruence is about honoring the deeper truth within you.

When your heart wants to go one direction, and your mind goes into a different direction, then the body gets stuck in the middle. This causes stress, inner turmoil and disease.

• In what areas of your life do you feel that you are not being congruent?
• Where do you experience stress or inner conflict?
• When are you not being true to yourself? What is missing?
• What values are being violated?
• What would you like to have more of in your life? What would you need to let go of?

How can we go about becoming more congruent? Consider the following life coaching tips.

First, become mindful of your intentions.

Your energy in life is directed by your intentions, which create the reality you experience. When you have conflicting intentions, you will experience conflicting thoughts, which result in stress and anxiety. Every desire to change in your life starts with the intention to do so.

Setting your intent is very different than just wishing or wanting something. Notice the profound difference between, "I wish I could change this", and "I intend to change this."

Second, pay attention to your most dominant thoughts.

The structure of your thoughts is revealed through your internal dialog. You can dramatically change the quality of your life when you develop inner voices that serve and support your true intentions. A simple way to find out whether or not your inner thoughts are supporting or limiting you, ask yourself: "Would I say the same words to a friend, family member or a colleague who needs my support?"

Third, the truth is often found in the body.

Have you ever had a knot in your stomach, or experienced butterflies in your stomach? Or perhaps you have felt uncomfortable being around certain people?
Have you ever made a decision with your head when your body was telling you something different? What was the result?

During my life coaching conversations,I often ask my coaching clients to get out of their head and into their body. I would ask questions like: "What is your gut telling you?", or "What does your heart tell you about this?" The answers are often very insightful and liberating!
 
Choose to be congruent, rather than consistent!

In today's global and interconnected world, there is an urgent need to build bridges between people of different cultures, faith, traditions, and worldviews.

Building bridges starts within your own circle of influence; your family and friends, your local community, your colleagues at work, etc.

The quality of your relationships is built upon your ability to communicate with others through genuine dialogue.

Think of the process of dialogue as a bridge. A bridge has 4 solid anchor points. In order to build bridges to other people, there are 4 anchor points or qualities that need to be in place. When all these qualities are present, every conversation has the potential to be transformed into dialogue.
 
1. Trust

There needs to be a high level of mutual trust. The only way to build a high level of trust is by building rapport with the other person.
 
Have you ever talked with someone and for some reason felt you couldn't trust that person? What was missing? Were you able to honestly open up with that person? Probably not.

2. Equality

In order to engage in a genuine dialogue with one another, we need to treat each other as equals. Often you see people in positions of authority deceive themselves into thinking that they are treating people as equals, when they are actually not doing so. It takes more than a round table to create the kind of equality needed to establish a true dialogue.

3. Empathy

Empathy is the ability to listen at a deeper level. It's the ability to walk in someone else's shoes. Listening with empathy is the ability to understand someone else's thoughts and feelings, without judgment. The moment we judge, we push aside any opportunity for positive change.

Many personal and business relationships break down because people lack the skill, motivation, or the patience to truly listen at a deeper level. Understanding precedes change.

4. Bringing assumptions and beliefs into the open

Have you ever assumed something about someone or something and later found out that you were completely wrong? The beliefs we hold and the assumptions we make define our highly conditioned view of the world.

When you are able to speak openly and honestly about the beliefs you hold and the assumptions you make, you can build a deeper understanding based on mutual respect.
 
In many personal conflicts, it is often about values and beliefs, not people. The values we hold are expressed through the beliefs that support them.

When you build trust, listen with empathy, and are willing to talk openly about assumptions, you will create an opening for mutual understanding that cannot be created any other way.