While coaching has been widely recognized by many people worldwide engaged in personal development as an important and powerful tool for achieving results or navigating life changes, as a profession it is still relatively new.

Perhaps you are wondering how coaching works or how working with a life coach could benefit your current situation.

Maybe you have been searching the web to find a life coach, you have watched some videos on youtube.com or read some life coaching articles, yet you’re not sure how to choose a coach that is right for you.

If you’re ready to discover what coaching is all about, join the conversation every Monday at 7:00 PM Central – 8:00 PM Eastern – 5:00 PM Pacific.

This free life coaching teleconference call will be hosted and facilitated by life coach and business strategist Dieter Pauwels.

Dieter brings more than 20 years of accumulated experience in personal development, sales, marketing and personal coaching.

As a professional coach, he support and leads people to a point where they can make significant changes or breakthroughs in their personal or professional lives. He assists people in achieving consistent results in the most important areas of their lives.

He is a Certified NLP Coach from the NLP and Coaching Institute of California and professional member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF).

You’ve probably seen the FedEx logo a gazillion times in your life right? But have you ever noticed the arrow that is embedded in the logo? If you haven’t, take a second look.

Do you see it now? Some people do, and some people still don’t see it. I’m not telling you where the arrow is hidden 'cause that would spoil the fun.

Yes, it's true. What you see in your life depends on what you consciously focus on, in the same way that what you hear depends on what you listen for. When you change the dial on your radio, you'll hear a different tune. Are you dialed in for what you really want in your life?

The law of polarity teaches us that everything we experience in life is never neutral; it is both positive and negative.

When you focus on the positive, you allow yourself to see more because you will focus on possibilities rather than necessities. You will see opportunities that would have otherwise passed you by! Always remember that opportunities are never lost; they're just found by someone else.

The way you see things determines your outlook in life. Your world is a mirror and the reflection you see depends on the person you are. Focus your energy on the positive side of life because it is only there where you can truly make a difference.

To your success!

You Need To Know HOW To Change

You need to have the know-how, or the means to facilitate the change you want. In other words, how do you go about the change you want to create? What is the process? What is your best personal strategy?

Even when you are totally committed to making a change, if you don't know 'how', it will be very difficult to follow through and achieve the result you desire.
 
By understanding the process of change, you can work more effectively with the process, instead of fighting or resisting it. Understanding precedes change!
 
Start with the end result in mind. Imagine for a moment that you already have created the change you want. What would that look like? What would that feel like? What would be different in your life? What would be the consequences of the change you made? Is this what you really want?
 
In order to create the best personal success strategy for you, consider the following necessary components in the process of change: 
 
Resources 

• Personal qualities:
  What inner resources (skills and/or capabilities) do you already have or need to develop in order to move forward with confidence to achieve your outcome? What other resources are available to you today that you might not have thought about?
   
• People:
  Who might be a good external resource for you? Do you know anyone who has already achieved a goal similar to yours? Enlist the help of friends, a support group, a mentor, or a professional life coach who can assist you in developing an action plan for the changes you desire.
  
  
• Objects:
  Books you can read, equipment, audio CD's or DVD's with information you need.
  
  
• Time:
  Do you have enough time to dedicate to the achievement of your goal? If not, how can you create more time? What will you have to say 'no' to, in order to make more time for what you really want.

"Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid of standing still." 
(Chinese proverb)

Actions 
Action is about moving forward, one step at a time. We all have the urge to move forward in life. It is an urge to become more whole, to find more meaning and balance.

Think about the change or outcome you are committed to, and ask yourself, "What actions can I take today that will move me toward my desired goal?"

If the idea of taking a huge leap forward overwhelms you, you can break it down into smaller steps and more manageable tasks.

The larger the change in direction, the shorter the time it will take to come to new scenery. However, even the slightest change will take you on a different journey, if you persist. Focus and reinforcement are critical as you work toward your goal, because the slightest change in mindset can alter your course dramatically. 
 

Skills 
Perhaps you need to brush up on your skills, or acquire some new skills, such as communication skills.

Habits
What stops most people from making the change they want, are their habitual actions and thoughts. All habits accomplish something of value, otherwise they would not have become habits in the first place. But times change, and you have changed, and your current habits may no longer serve your purpose.
When you change, things will change for you!

Only you know the best strategy for making the changes you want. You are the expert of your life. Ultimately, you are the only one responsible for the decisions you make or don't make. When you don't take control of your life, don't be surprised when someone else does!

"The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving."
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

On Wednesday April 28, professional life and business coach, author and speaker, Dieter Pauwels will engage an audience at the Focal Point in St. Louis, MO in a special thought provoking and high-impact dialogue on how to navigate through uncertainty toward a new path of personal discovery and growth.

With the right tools, skills and mindset there are ways to navigate the rough waters of uncertainty in your life.

You might be transitioning, re-evaluating or just searching for a new perspective in your personal or professional life. You could be looking for direction in your business or you might be an individual determined to create new possibilities through self discovery and growth.

Embrace the growing pains that come with self discovery and find your balance on the beam of life!

You'll learn ...

• 7 universal principles that govern the creative process
• How to plan for the future without knowing what it will be
• Counter-intuitive strategies to reduce feelings of anxiety, fear and stress
• Personal life skills to become more resilient in times of change
• Practical ideas on thriving during uncertain times and circumstances
• How to embrace uncertainty as an opportunity to reshape your life with a deeper sense of fulfillment and joy.

Space is limited - Registration Required
To register online click here

If you're like me, and most other people, there are things in your life that you wish were different and would like to change for the better. Although you may have had the best intentions to manifest a desired change in the past, for some reason you have not been able to successfully achieve the results you want.

Perhaps you have wanted to kick a bad habit. Or you feel you deserve a raise or promotion at work, yet something is preventing you from asking for it. Alternatively, you find yourself in a relationship that is no longer fulfilling. Maybe you have wanted to lose weight, and have tried all the miracle diets, or joined a local health club, but never shed those extra pounds. What prevents us from making the changes we desire?

Whatever the change is that you want to make, as a personal life coach I would like to challenge you to reflect for a moment on the following and important question:

"How much do you really want to change?"

Often, we try to make changes in our lives to live up to the expectations of others, or because others want us to. There is nothing wrong with the intention of trying to change for someone else, but my experience tells me that true long-lasting results must come from within.

Life Coaching Principle #1: YOU have to really WANT to change!

Dare to ask yourself this obvious question! What are the benefits of me not changing?

Sometimes people try to create change in their lives, but are not consciously aware of the positive benefits or side effects that they are getting from their current situation.

For example: Some people who label themselves as depressed, stay depressed, because of the extra emotional attention they are receiving from family and friends. The desire for attention, or the need for significance, becomes a strong enough motivator for them to stay depressed.

Think about the positive benefits of the situation you would like to change. What are some of the emotional / physical positive side effects of your current situation? How important are these benefits to you? How could you maintain the same positive side effect by making the change you desire?

Inner conflict

People often resist the change they think they want, because of an inner conflict between the values they hold. Let me illustrate with another example: Let's assume that you want to get a promotion at work but never asked for it. Now imagine for a moment that you actually did receive the promotion you wanted. What would getting a promotion mean to you? More money? And how important would that be compared to some other values that you hold? If a promotion means a better paycheck, but it also means more time away from your family, this may create inner conflict which will likely cause you to resist moving forward. What you resist will persist!

Self-limiting beliefs and thoughts

Another reason why people resist change because they hold on to limiting beliefs that prevent them from moving forward and getting the results they really want. Think for a moment about the change you want to make …

How confident are you that reaching your goal or outcome is possible for you? Do you believe that you have what it takes to make that change? In other words, do you believe that you are truly capable of reaching your desired outcome?

Now, again imagine that you already successfully achieved your outcome. How would this new situation affect you and the people around you? And, would that be okay?

By exploring some of the questions above, you may discover some limiting beliefs you hold about yourself or the situation you want to change. It is only when you become consciously aware of the internal barriers - positive side effects, conflicting values, or limiting beliefs - that you will be able to make a full personal commitment to the process of change.

"We can learn to be the catalysts for our own change." (Sarah Ban Breathnach)

This is a guest post contributed by Katheryn Rivas of online universities accredited.

The transition from a college or university setting to the real world can be a jarring one for many graduates. It's not uncommon for young people to suddenly feel plagued with doubts about their professional and personal choices now that those choices will be put to the test in a job market that can seem daunting. But this is when life coaching or career coaching can come in handy. Look at it this way: You've never had more potential than the moment you walked across the stage to get your diploma. Your professional history is free of error, and there's no reason to assume you'll be beaten down by circumstance. Career coaching can help you realize that.

For starters, ask yourself some genuinely probing questions: What do I want to do? Where do I want to go? Don't give the answers you've given throughout school; really consider them. From time to time, I ask myself two questions back to back: What am I pretending not to know, and what am I pretending not to cause? The answers to those questions can be revealing, and a great way to start focusing on the consequences of your actions.

That's what career coaching does: It helps you ask yourself the right questions so that you can begin to maximize your potential and achieve a level of satisfaction you might not have thought was possible. We aren't able to really discover our purpose until we figure out our core values and beliefs, so new college graduates need to do some soul-searching before they can begin to chart a successful course for their professional lives. Here are some of the benefits of career coaching for curious new grads:

Career guidance

Coaching is a wonderful way to focus on your true goals in life and how those goals might manifest themselves in a job. We spend so much of our time at work that it's vital to choose something that satisfies our desires and meets the standards we set for ourselves in terms of long-term goals. Career coaching doesn't just help new grads learn to be satisfied in their jobs; it's a way to redefine the entire approach to satisfaction.

Allowing yourself to succeed

This is a common problem for workers at every level, but it's especially problematic for new graduates because they're the most likely to run into opportunities that seem good but are really dangerously limiting in terms of potential growth. If you're a new graduate, you'll want to tell yourself you don't deserve a certain level of success, or that it's wrong to want it at this point in your career. To which I'd say: If that's the case, when do you think is the right time to want it? You have to allow yourself to succeed if you're ever going to reap the benefits of your education. By realigning your ideas about success and worth through career coaching, you'll be in line to achieve more.

Taking risks

Many new graduates are also uncertain about taking certain chances on their career, and that's another quick path to cheating yourself out of potential successes. Career coaching is a great way to find out what you really want to achieve and what you're willing to risk to get there. The point isn't to be reckless, but there is a value in taking calculated risks that a career coach can help you understand.

I'll say it again: You'll never again have as much potential as you do upon graduating from college, so amplify that potential with wise coaching and forward momentum. You'll look back later and thank yourself for it.

The moment you realize that you are solely responsible for our own life, for every choice and decision you make, you will realize that you can create anything you want. Why not create a masterpiece?

Creating a personal masterpiece means no more blaming others or circumstances, but fully accepting ownership of your life. Yes, you are the only one responsible for your life; your career, your talents, your weaknesses, your relationships, etc.

In order to create a masterpiece, you want to let go of the things that are not authentic. Most importantly the agreements you have made about what you think is possible and believe is true about yourself.

Taking ownership of your own life is ultimately about choosing freedom. Yet we sacrifice our personal freedom and happiness by trying to be good enough for someone else, by trying to please others, by trying to live our lives according to the rules and expectations of others.
We need to become aware about the beliefs we hold about ourselves. Only then can we challenge what we believe is true, and start believing in what we really want. The only way to reach your full potential is by becoming more aware of who we really are and not by becoming someone others want you to become.

Once you take ownership of your own life, once you become fully responsible for your life, ...

• You will experience freedom to see and hear what is really there, instead of what should be, was, or you imagine will be.
• You will have the courage to say what you think, instead of what you feel you should. 
• You will experience the freedom to feel what you really feel, instead of what you think ought to feel.
• You will begin to ask for what you want, instead of waiting for permission or trying to please others.
• You will be able to learn to face your fears, take risks, and take chances in life, instead of choosing the safe, familiar and "secure."

Instead of choosing what other people believe you should do, or living your life trying to live up to the expectations of others, you get to focus on choosing what YOU want … and that’s very liberating. Choosing your life is a freedom and tremendous privilege. Don’t take that lightly!

Dieter Pauwels is a personal life coach, career consultant speaker and author based in St. Louis, MO.
He facilitates personal and organizational transformation and works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, navigate change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness.

As a personal life coach I work with many creative, intelligent, skilled, and passionate people who, despite having clearly defined goals, are not achieving the success of which they are truly capable. It’s not that they fear failure; it’s not that they don’t have the know-how. It’s because they unconsciously find a way to sabotage themselves. They don’t allow themselves to succeed. Unable to give themselves permission to value themselves, they cannot achieve the success they deserve.

One of my life coaching clients, a young and vibrant entrepreneur in his mid-thirties, started coaching with me because he wanted to take his business to the next level. He told me that for the last couple of years his business had remained stagnant and he felt himself procrastinating to make decisions needed to grow his business. I asked him what would stop a smart and creative young man from achieving the success he really wanted. “I don’t know,” he replied. “But sometimes I feel that achieving success means that I’m selfish, and I feel really guilty about that.” When I inquired more about his feeling of guilt, he mentioned that a voice in his head kept telling him that he should just be happy with where he was, that he didn’t need any more than what he had already.

I think we all have such voices talking to us. Like bullies, they try to intimidate us and keep us from achieving the success we want. They tell us that if we want too much for ourselves we’re self-centered or selfish, or that one day others will find out that we’re not that good, or that success is for others but not us. When we listen to these voices, and it’s hard not to, things can get pretty dark inside our heads. In personal coaching we sometimes refer to these little voices that hold us back as our “gremlins.” Recognizing these little creatures for what they are is a first step toward taming them. A playful, yet effective way we can deal with them is to personify our gremlin by giving it a name, some characteristics, and perhaps a personality.

I’ve always had this little voice—this little gremlin—in my head that I call Peter Perfect. He is a smart and witty creature who always tells me that unless I can do something perfectly, I shouldn’t do it. But instead of hoping that one day he would go away, I have come to understand that in recognizing Peter Perfect for what he is, I diminish his power to run my life and hold me back.

In order to succeed in life you must first give yourself permission to succeed. This means you have to develop a positive inner dialogue that is congruent with your true intentions. To determine whether your inner thoughts are supporting or limiting you, you want to ask yourself, “Would I say the same words to a friend, a family member, or colleague who needs my support?”

Suppose you went to a store and bought a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle,but it didn't have a picture on the box of what the end result should look like. Would you have a much harder time putting the puzzle together than if you had a clear picture of the end result? Absolutely! You may eventually figure it out but it will take much longer than if you had a clear picture of what the end result will look like.

The same holds true for the goals, dreams and aspirations we have. In life we move towards the images we hold in our minds. When your goal is 'in-sight', things will change dramatically. If you have ever participated in a race, you know the feeling you get when the finish line is in sight. Your pace quickens, you feel the adrenaline flowing through every cell of your body, your mind is focused and you are drawn to the finish line by a force that is nearly unstoppable.

The more precisely you can visualize your goals in life, the things you would like to change, the things you would like to attract, the things you truly desire, the more clearly you will understand how to achieve them. When the goal is in sight, so is the path which will get you there. Clarity is power!

What are the pictures you hold in your mind ? Can you see all the beautiful details? Are those pictures filled with vibrant, bright colors? Are they filled with hope, wonder, love and passion? Can you already experience the excitement, the satisfaction and the feeling of fulfillment?

Picture yourself being the best you can possible be. Hold that image in your mind, day by day, moment by moment, and you will find a way to live the life that will make it real!

"Peak performers develop powerful mental images of the behavior that will lead to the desired results.They see in their mind's eye the result they want, and the actions leading to it." (Charles A. Garfield)

About your life coach:
Dieter Pauwels is professional personal coach and career consultant. His life coaching programs empower personal development to navigate change and create new possibilities in your personal life and career.

Peter Drucker, widely considered to be "the father of modern management”, was one of the most brilliant and insightful thinkers and writers on management in the history of mankind.

Reading what he said in 1999 about “Managing Oneself” has inspired my current work as professional life coach and career consultant. I wanted to share some of his thoughts.

Peter Drucker, in his own words....

“In a few hundred years, when the history of our time will be written from a long term perspective, I think it is very probable that the most important event these historians will see is not technology, it is not the Internet, it is not e-commerce. It is an unprecedented change in the human condition. For the first time, substantial and rapidly growing numbers of people have choices. For the first time, they will have to manage themselves. And let me say, we are totally unprepared for it.”

We will have to learn where we belong, what our strengths are, what we have to learn so that we get the full benefit from it, where our defects are, what we are not good at, what our values are. For the first time in human history, we will have to learn to take responsibility for managing ourselves. And as I said, this is probably a much greater challenge than any technology – a change in the human condition. Nobody teaches it – no school, no college – and it probably will be another hundred years before they teach it.

In the mean time, the achievers, and I don’t mean millionaires, but rather the ones who want to make a contribution, who want to lead a fulfilling life, and want to feel that there is some purpose in their being on this earth. They will have to learn something which, only a few years ago, a very few super achieves ever knew. They will have to learn to manage themselves, to build on their strengths, to build on their values.”

In this video,St. Louis based life coach and career consultant Dieter Pauwels talks about the importance of understanding and living your core values to attract more of the life experiences you seek.

Life Coaching Core Values from Dieter Pauwels on Vimeo.

In this video, St. Louis life coach and career consultant Dieter Pauwels talks with Christine Buck about the Power of Intention on KPLR11 in St. Louis. Setting your intent is a powerful force for co-creating your own reality and attracting certain experiences and outcomes in your life. If you want to have a better job, a different career, or a more fulfilling relationship, it starts with setting and stating your intention.

The Power of Intention from Dieter Pauwels on Vimeo.

life coach,power of intention,life coaching

Stress often causes us to breathe shallowly and this almost always causes increased stress. Mentally scan your body for physical tension. Does your chest feel tight?
If so, you may be holding your breath without even knowing it. Shallow breathing puts less oxygen into the blood stream, producing an increase in muscle tension. When you experience headaches or feel anxious and uptight, try this:

• Choose a comfortable place to sit, preferably away from other people. Sit up straight and keep your feet flat on the floor. Imagine and feel your feet being rooted and connected to the earth.
  
• Place your hand on your chest. Place the other hand at your middle Dan Tian, one of your body's three reservoirs of energy centered at the middle of the chest.
  
• Begin taking slow, deep belly breaths. Concentrate on your body expanding and contracting. Visualize your energy sinking lower and lower into your body. Continue this breathing exercise for one to three minutes or a minimum of ten sets.  Breathing into the lower Dan Tian (below the naval) helps release fear and anxiety. In doing so, you create additional stability, and become more centered and secure within yourself and your body.

In this video, career coach and personal life coach Dieter Pauwels talks with Christine Buck about the importance of maintaining good posture on News at Noon at KPLR11 St. Louis. Your body language is an important part of your communication and a skill that can enhance your personal and professional life.

Posture and Body Language from Dieter Pauwels on Vimeo.

Negative emotions such as fear, stress, anxiety, guilt, or resentment burn your will power and drain your energy more and faster than anything else in your life.

Emotions are labels we put on ourselves to describe a very personal physical experience. They arise from personal judgment, low self-esteem or a lack of trust in your own capabilities. These labels confine you to an imaginary box and inhibit your innate ability to learn, grow and expand.

Seek truth in your body

When you experience anxiety, fear, stress or worry, be aware that these emotional states are logical and intuitive responses to uncertainty. However, prolonged exposure to these negative emotional states can affect your self esteem and erode your self confidence.

Pay attention to your emotions. Allow yourself to feel your stress, anxiety or fear instead of avoiding, rationalizing or judging it. How do you experience stress? How does fear express itself in your body? How does anxiety feel? How does worry move through your body?

Once you acknowledge and become fully present with your emotions, you can start to take control of your own feelings, instead of having them run your life. There is tremendous personal power in facing what feels uncomfortable at first.

In his bestselling book, “The Power of Now”, Eckhart Tolle wrote that “If you keep your attention in the body as much as possible, you will be anchored in the Now. You won’t lose yourself in the external world, and you won’t lose yourself in your mind.”

We don’t typically consider the possibility that our emotional experience is there to teach us something. When you allow yourself to feel what you’re really feeling and listen to the truth in your body, you will gain remarkable insights into who you are and the emotional needs you have been avoiding or ignoring.

Frequently returning negative emotions give you an opportunity to become more aware of what’s really going on in your life.

Start moving

Energy in motion creates emotion. The energy needed to move forward and fully engage in the process of your life comes from your emotional state. Moving will not only discharge some of your anxious energy but it will change your emotional state. You will feel like you are doing something and moving forward.

Take action

Create a list of 5 things you can do or steps you can take to make your lifestyle congruent with that what you really want and need in your life. Each step will help to further dissolve the negative emotion bit by bit, bringing hope and empowering you to continue to take action toward meeting your challenge.

The launch of News 11 at Noon on April 6 marked a new venture into the daytime news market for the station. Anchored by KPLR's well respected news veteran Christine Buck, the one-hour program highlights local news, national headlines, live breaking news, weather and daily features. Christine Buck, who has been with the station for over 30 years has been honored and recognized for her work as well as her community involvement.

Joining Christine Buck each day on News 11 at Noon is Chief Meteorologist, John Fuller, who provides in-depth weather reports as well as news features on a regular basis. Fuller, who has been with KPLR-TV since November 2008, brings a loyal following from his many years as a popular meteorologist in the market.

Life and Career Coach, Dieter Pauwels will appear every Friday on KPLR-TV's News 11 at Noon. You can watch the daily highlights of each show at http://www.cw11tv.com/news/noon_show

We live in a world with tremendous possibilities, endless opportunities and more choices than during any other time in history.

With the choices and freedoms we enjoy, come a variety of challenges. The choices we make are not always positive. In fact, some of them can be self-destructive.

Choices bring with them increased responsibilities, challenges and changes. In the face of the myriad of options we have, our challenge is to make decisions that will advance ourselves, our communities, and our world.

Change and challenge often combined leave us in dynamic, fast paced and complex situations that we are not always prepared to deal with. Change, and the challenge of dealing with it, creates anxiety, discomfort and a feeling of uncertainty among many of us.

Dieter Pauwels is a life career coach, speaker and author based in St. Louis, MO.
He facilitates personal and organizational transformation and works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, navigate change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness. 

If you're like me, and most other people, there are things in your life that you wish were different and would like to change for the better. Although you may have had the best intentions to change in the past, for some reason you have not been able to successfully achieve the results you want.

Perhaps you have wanted to kick a bad habit. Or you feel you deserve a raise or promotion at work, yet something is preventing you from asking for it. Alternatively, you find yourself in a relationship that is no longer fulfilling. Maybe you have wanted to lose weight, and have tried all the miracle diets, or joined a local health club, but never shed those extra pounds.

What could prevent you from making the changes you desire?

1. Positive side effects 

Sometimes you may try to create change in your life, but you are not consciously aware of the positive benefits or side effects that you are getting from your current situation.

Some people who label themselves as depressed, stay depressed, because of the extra emotional attention they are receiving from family and friends. The desire for attention, or the need for significance, becomes a strong enough motivator for them to stay depressed.

Think about the positive benefits of the situation you would like to change. What are some of the emotional, mental or physical positive side effects of your current situation? How important are these benefits to you? How could you maintain the same positive side effect by making the change you desire?

2. Inner conflict

Sometimes you may resist the change you think you want, because of an inner conflict between the values you hold.
 
Values are basically ideals that are important to you in your life. They are usually expressed in abstract terms such as success, respect, freedom, health, love, loyalty, honesty, integrity and so forth.
 
Let's assume that you want to get a promotion at work but never asked for it.
 
Now imagine for a moment that you actually did receive the promotion you wanted. What would getting a promotion mean to you? More money? And how important would that be compared to some other values that you hold? 
 
If a promotion means a better paycheck, but it also means more time away from your family, this may create inner conflict which will likely cause you to resist moving forward. What you resist will persist!

3. Self-limiting beliefs and thoughts
 

Another reason why you might resist change is because t you’re holding on to limiting or outdated beliefs that prevent you from moving forward and getting the results you really want.
 
Think about the change you want to make …
 
How confident are you that reaching your goal or outcome is possible for you? Do you believe that you have what it takes to make that change? In other words, do you believe that you are truly capable of getting what you want? Do you believe you are deserving of the change you want?

Now, again imagine that you already successfully achieved your outcome. How would this new situation affect you and the people around you? And, would that be okay? 
 
By exploring some of the questions above, you may discover some limiting beliefs you hold about yourself or the situation you want to change. 

It is only when you become consciously aware of the internal barriers - positive side effects, conflicting values or limiting beliefs - that you will be able to make a full personal commitment to the process of change.

"Each human being has been granted a virtue: The capacity to choose. For he who does not use his virtue, it becomes a curse – and others will always choose for him." 
– Paulo Coelho

Personal boundaries define your personal preferences; they outline what is acceptable to you and what is not, based on your values, your beliefs and personal philosophy. They define how you allow others to treat you. 

Your capacity and freedom to choose allows you to define healthy personal boundaries.

The main purpose of setting boundaries is to protect, respect and take care of yourself. Unless you are able to recognize and honestly communicate your personal boundaries, you’ll never be able to respect and truly love yourself and get in touch with who you really are.

Establishing boundaries in your personal and professional life is an important step in taking full responsibility for yourself and taking ownership of your daily choices. Without a clear understanding of who you are and what makes you unique, it is difficult to create healthy emotional boundaries. Healthy boundaries come from a good sense of self-worth, which promotes high self esteem and self confidence. 

When your sense of self-worth is dependent on your relationships, your work or career, you’re giving away your personal power. You’re setting yourself up to be a victim of circumstances over which you have little or no control. You’ll become reactive to negative events in your life and you feel as if you have no choice in the matter.

When you are not clear about your personal boundaries, or you have established weak boundaries, you invite others to take control of your choices, and thus your life.

Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship, a career or a job? Did you feel resentful, frustrated, angry or perhaps victimized? Did you blame your boss, your spouse, or perhaps the state of the economy?

When you feel that you don’t have a choice, you’ll find yourself doing things you don’t want to, or doing things that you feel you should or must do.

Next time you hear yourself saying words like "I have to", "I must", or "I need to", remember that you always had and have a choice. Change the words "I must" or "I have to" and replace them with "I choose to", and notice your reaction and emotional response.

Recognizing and accepting that you do have choices is the first step to consciously setting healthy boundaries. This process takes time, genuine intention and courage.

Your heightened awareness will empower you to choose in every situation. You will choose to say YES to those things in your life that make you feel more alive, and say NO to those things and people that continue to drain your energy. The choice is yours.

Dieter Pauwels is a professional certified life and career coach based in St. Louis, MO. As a coach, speaker and author, he facilitates personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness.
You can visit his life and business coaching website at or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on this blog.

What can the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly teach us about personal development, emotional boundaries, change and creating new possibilities? 

Consider the following.

Every caterpillar has a specific destiny - to become a butterfly.

Though it has no choice in the matter – it will always be a butterfly! – It must nonetheless eat to gain strength and size to reach its potential as a beautiful winged creature.

That you have a free will and so many choices, of course, only heightens your responsibility to find your true vocation in life.

Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist who survived the horror of the Nazi death camps during World War II, wrote in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, that life charges each of us to carry out a specific mission. This particular task is ours alone, for our lives can neither be replaced, nor repeated.

"There are two great days in a person's life -
the day we are born and the day we discover why." (W. Barcley)

You cannot become a butterfly by remaining a caterpillar.

At first, a caterpillar protects itself from the outside world, wrapped inside a chrysalis. It then grows and strengthens itself until the day it is ready to emerge as a whole new being.

Just like a caterpillar, you want to give yourself permission to seek a safe space at times to cherish, rejuvenate, reflect, strengthen - and sometimes heal - yourself for your continued journey toward freedom, success, happiness and fulfillment. 

Yet, you cannot become what you want by remaining what you are. Whatever you choose to become, you must be prepared to break out of the cocoon of self-limiting beliefs, past hurts, regrets and fears that hold you back, and do the work required – whatever the risks.
Because for things to change in your life, you have to change!

"You must take personal responsibility.
You cannot change the circumstances,
the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.
That is something you have charge of." (Jim Rohn)

Once a butterfly, you can never go back to being a caterpillar.

Once you break out of your limiting and self-imposed cocoon, you will create new insights, new possibilities for growth – and even more change.

Welcome change as an opportunity to grow and to become more of who you really are.

About Dieter Pauwels:

Dieter Pauwels is a professional personal  life coach, business and career coach, speaker and author, facilitating personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness.
You can visit his life coaching and business coaching website at or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business coaching blog.