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Believe In Yourself

by Admin February 6, 2012

What makes people succeed in following through on their well intended goals, is not motivation, willpower, skills or talent. Even though these are all important in any formula for success, the most important factor for success is your belief.

We behave and make choices based on what we believe is true. We make decisions that are congruent or aligned with what we believe is true, especially with what we believe about ourselves.

What do you believe about yourself?

If you want to emulate someone who has been successful or someone who has accomplished the things you would like to accomplish, or has achieved the goals you aspire to achieve, the most intuitive and logical question to ask would be “How did you do that?”  The counter intuitive - but more important - question is “What do you believe about yourself that allowed you to achieve those things?” "What has to be true about you that made you successful?"

If it were just a question of how- to do something and having the willpower to do it, we would all achieve many more things in our lives.

Without a firm belief in yourself and a clear reason why you want what you want (based on your values and principles), it is easy to get sidetracked. Beliefs and values are the two sides of the coin called motivation. They give you direction, a sense of purpose and lead to inspired action.

What are some of the core beliefs that have to be in place?

First, you have to believe that achieving your goal is really possible for you. Notice the difference between ‘thinking’ something is possible (from your head), ‘believing’ something is possible (from your heart) and ‘feeling’ it is possible (from your gut)

When your head, heart and gut are aligned, you create tremendous inner power. You create a high level of certainty. When people get into that place of certainty, achieving their goal becomes a must.

Second, you have to believe that you have what it takes the resources to achieve your goal. Resources can be internal and external. Examples of internal resources could be: courage, skill, commitment, confidence, clarity, passion, energy, strength, faith, resilience, communication, determination and wisdom. Some examples of external resource could be: people, money, business strategy technology and time.

And third, you have to believe you’re fully deserving of reaching your goal.

As a life coach I find it interesting how we have developed these beliefs about how much money we can make, or what kind of relationship we can find, or how much success we can have.  We all have these belief systems about how much joy, love or success we can experience.

By holding on to these limiting and erroneous beliefs we sabotage ourselves, causing us to remain in the old familiar comfort zone were we feel secure.

We can change limiting and erroneous beliefs when we fully understand and acknowledge the core limiting belief.  We can also change self limiting beliefs by starting to build new empowering habits.

Is Your Thermostat Set Too Low?

by Admin January 4, 2012

In his book “The Big Leap”, author Garry Hendricks writes that each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure.

 

Does this sound familiar?


As a personal life strategy coach I have found that what influences your inner thermostat setting
the most are the beliefs you hold about yourself. Some of these beliefs are limiting - even erroneous -  and hold you back from enjoying all the love, financial abundance, and creativity that’s rightfully yours.

 

But unless you make a concerted effort and commitment to change your inner thermostat setting will remain the same, your past story will continue into the present and beyond.

 

But what if you could make the desired changes you seek in your personal life or career, would you? What if you would choose, decide, take action and realize your goals? What would the payoff be if you really made this happen? How valuable would that be?

What would that be worth to you? How would that change your life's situation?

 

Of course this possibility would be tremendously valuable  - not only in terms of financial gain, but in terms of happiness, emotional health, personal growth, and personal success.

 

Stop sabotaging yourself and unlock your true potential. Schedule a complimentary coaching strategy session today and learn more about how life coaching may benefit your current life or career situation.

 

The Classical Dilemma Between The Head And The Heart

by Admin July 20, 2011

Have you ever been told: "You know you can do it!", or "All it takes it takes is willpower and discipline", but for some reason you did not succeed in following through? Or have you ever caught yourself thinking, "I should have known better…", but you did it anyway? Do you ever wonder why?

The answer lies within one of the most fundamental human conflicts; the conflict between the head and the heart. A conflict between what we know we should do and what we really want for ourselves, yet we are not always clear about what causes us to make those choices. This classical dilemma is about a conflict between your 'social self' and your 'authentic self'.

The world of your social self is conditioned by the rules of your upbringing, the beliefs and values of your family and culture you were born into. It determines the criteria by which we measure whether you fit in, feel accepted, acknowledged and validated.

It gives us a sense of security and a feeling of belonging. It outlines what we have to do, and how we are supposed to be, to be okay. The world of the social self is about how we respond to the expectations of others.

On the other hand, there is the world of your authentic self. Your authentic self is expressed through your heart's desires. It is what you truly want for yourself. It is more about being than about doing. It is the world of your inner feelings and intuition. It is the world of heart and passion.

As a life coach I often work with people who experience inner turmoil, anxiety, or stress, and more often the not it's because the voice of their authentic self is muffled, overwhelmed, even strangled, by the voices of other people's expectations or the voice of your own social self.

Past experiences and your sense of logic might lead you down a certain path, yet it cannot assure whether your heart will be in it!

I believe we all want to be happy, yet we don't always know what makes us happy!
Unless we get very clear about our personal 'criteria', the things that are really important to our authentic selves, we remain stuck, feel anxious and sometimes even get depressed.

If you wish to experience more joy and fulfillment, listen to your own heart for direction, because these are sounds no one else can hear. Dare to be yourself. As Montana Gray said so simply, "When you live your authentic life, you have no competition!"

Winning in the Game of Life

by Admin May 18, 2011

If life were a game, how can you win?
Like every game, there are a certain set of rules that must be followed.  There are points to score.  Penalties to avoid.  And if you want to be really successful at the game, then you want to study and understand all the rules.

But when it comes to winning in the game of life, just what are the rules – and what happens when we don’t choose to play by them?
The simple answer is that there is no one set of rules that everyone has to follow to win at life.  Sure, we may have cultural, legal and even social rules, but these pale in comparison to the rules of leading a successful and fulfilling life.  These rules of the game are a bit harder to figure out, simply because these rules are made – and can be broken – by you.

Let’s face it: when we live by someone else’s rules, we can never truly enjoy a rewarding personal and professional life.  For example, if you’re continually striving to live by the rules of someone who’s been a major success in your field or industry, then you’ll never get the opportunity to experience what it’s like to trail-blaze your own path.  You’re living life by someone else’s game rules – and because you’re not that person, you’re setting yourself up to lose.

Let’s look at an example of someone who’s certainly living by his own set of rules: Charlie Sheen.  No matter what your opinion may be about him, there’s no denying that he makes and succeeds at his own game.  When CBS booted him off of his wildly successful sitcom "Two and a Half Men," he didn’t beg for them to take him back.  Instead, he made a different set of rules by launching an extremely popular viral video channel and comedy tour worth millions of dollars.  His catchphrases are so beloved that they’ve even made their way into our cultural zeitgeist ("winning" and "tiger blood" are a few that come to mind). 

Now how does this relate to our personal lives?  While you don’t have to go to the extent of Charlie Sheen (in fact, as a personal life coach I wouldn’t recommend it), it’s important to define success on your own terms, not others.  Playing by another person’s set of rules is tiring – after all, no game is enjoyable when you can’t possibly win at it. 

By changing the rules of the game – or playing a different game altogether – you’re already on a path to winning at the game of life.

Fear of Success

by Admin April 10, 2011

Why would anyone be afraid of success?  Spiders, yes. Fear of heights, sure. Anxiety and fear of public speaking, of course. But fear of success?

It might surprise you to know that many, many people - if not the majority - are actually afraid of being successful. This comes as a surprise to many people because it seems so counter-intuitive and because we often never realize that this is at the heart of achieving the results we deserve in our professional and personal lives. Consider the following thoughts and beliefs that often surface during life coaching dialogues:

  • the thought that you are unworthy of having good things happen to you—good things only happen to other people
  • being paralyzed by the thought that if you try and you fail, it will be too devastating
  • believing that you're just not good enough, not talented enough, not competent enough, not deserving enough, etc.
  • thinking that somehow anything you accomplish will explode and turn into something bad or painful down the road
  • the idea that no matter how much you win and succeed, it'll never be enough to satisfy you or fill up your emptiness
  • only being able to see the other people in the world that you perceive as being better than you are and feeling intimidated by them
  • thinking that once (or if) you get to the top, you won't be able to stay there
  • believing that once you start a project and get your hopes up, your motivation will fade and you'll just be letting yourself down

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? If so, the first step is to recognize and acknowledge that you are sabotaging yourself with self-destructive thinking based on erroneous belief patterns. Once you identify the limiting belief(s), ask yourself what holding this belief achieved for you in the past? You see, we don’t adopt beliefs that serve no purpose. Only when you recognize and fully understand the positive purpose of the belief can you not only challenge it but replace it with a more empowering belief. Examples of positive and empowering beliefs are:

  • "I am really good at giving and receiving."
  • "I deserve to be paid well for my work."
  • "I am good enough to have what I want."
  • "I am as good as anyone to have what I want."
  • "I can have what I want and be really lovable"
  • "I'm the kind of person who gets what I want by asking."
  • "I deserve to have what I want in life."
  • "I can have what I want, and help others get what they want."
  • "When I follow my heart, I create what I want."
  • "I can have money and be close to my family."
  • "When I really know what I want, things come to me naturally."
  • "My needs are as important as anyone's."
  • "I can achieve whatever I set my mind to do."
  • "I can have what I want and still be connected to God."
  • "I am safe to be all of who I am."

If you realize now that you do have a fear of success or you recognize that you’re still holding on to limiting beliefs, consider working with a trained and qualified life coach for assistance and guidance.

Mind Your Assumptions

by Admin April 5, 2011

Do you sometimes make assumptions? How often have you judged the book by the cover? Making assumptions or mindreading can be a hard habit to break completely. Sometimes we make assumptions by predicting outcomes, thinking you are just putting 2 and 2 together, going along with rumors and speculation or stereotyping people by the way they look or talk.

We make assumptions because we are uncomfortable with uncertainty, with not knowing. Our egos want answers, explanations, categories, and clear delineations. Therefore, in the face of "not knowing," we think, "Well, it must be like this then." Then the overactive mind relaxes and says, "OK, I've got that figured out. Now I can stop worrying." Change and new information can be difficult to process. Our minds want things to be easy and familiar and even predictable. We have a tendency to assume in order to make the new information easier to digest, so it fits within our view of reality or map of the world. 

When making assumptions we often miss out on opportunities. We fail to make connections. We burn bridges. We miss out on living life on life's terms. We expect that things should be a specific way, and when it doesn't turn out like that, we are shocked or disappointed or even angry. However, by being more consciously aware of our tendency to make assumptions, we can get to know and experience life on a deeper level. Rather than having a superficial "cover of the book" level relationship with people, places, and things, we can calmly say, "I don't know, but I'm going to find out." Start asking questions and experiencing what you don't know.

Often we make assumptions because we want to control the uncontrollable - life. Obviously, this is a futile waste of time and energy. A great way to relax that need to control and stop searching for unknowable answers by making assumptions is to use the famous serenity prayer:

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."- Reinhold Niebuhr

Stop assuming and start living today!

Setting Your Intention to Change Your Life

by Admin March 25, 2011

The power of intention can change your life. Every action, every behavior is grounded in intention, whether or not you are consciously aware of it. As a personal life coach, let me share with you how the power of intention is important to your personal success and how you can take charge of your future with a few simple changes in your thinking.

The Intention Cycle

Your intention determines what you focus on. What you focus on determines how you will experience any given situation. The way you experience things then determines how you feel. Of course, the better you feel about yourself and what is possible, the more confident you will become in yourself and the brighter your future will begin to look. The better you feel, the more compelled you will be to take action. You can think of this as a cycle with the following components: Intention, focus, experience, feeling and action.

Setting Your Intent

Harnessing the power of intention begins with setting your intent. Perhaps you want to have a better job, more money, or a more fulfilling relationship? It all starts with setting your intention. Setting your intent is about directing your focus in the present moment toward a future outcome. It is about making conscious and committed decisions to attract certain experiences and outcomes in your life, even when you aren't sure when or how they will manifest. “Intention” is not so much something you do--it is more about the kind of experiences you attract by consciously focusing on what you want. Once you set your intent, it will affect how you behave, your communication, your mood, and even how you respond to life.

 

Once you have set your intention, your mind will start searching for ways to experience what you want. It will go to work figuring out how it can create these kinds of experiences. For example, if you have an important meeting coming up, sit down and write down your intentions for it. Perhaps it's important to have fun, be productive, connect with others, feel peace, or be helpful. You'll notice your meeting is more likely to manifest how you like when your intent is set on it. Carry these intentions in your mind everywhere you go and be attentive to your surroundings. Look for synchronicity as the right opportunities will suddenly present themselves!

The power of intention can change your life. Your intention determines what you focus on - both positive and negative - and what you focus on determines how you will experience any given situation. Choose your intentions wisely.

The Process of Decision: Learning to Steer Your Life

by Admin September 23, 2010

decide what you want

As a personal life coach , people often describe a similar scenario that creeps up in our modern daily lives.  They feel like they're just going through the motions, like they’re just coping with the events in their lives without feeling fully the experience of being alive. Instead of owning and directing the events of your life, daily circumstances seem to own and direct them. Does that sound familar?

 

This is what I call sleepwalking through your day.  It's when you feel like you have no control, and that other people and the circumstance own your life journey. When we find we are sleepwalking, we often avoid making decisions instead of choosing to stand up and take power back, as if we have already accepted that power is gone, leaving us unable to decide.

The bottom line is that even though you're going through the day, you’re not getting much from the day.  There's no purpose behind this kind of blind forward movement.  Life has no energy. You start to lose self respect and wonder what happened to all the dreams you once had as a kid, if you even bother to wonder any more at all. Yet, we all go through these periods or slumps in our lives. 

It's a natural cycle we all go through, just like in nature we have the ebb and flow of day and night.
There is some merit to the observation that if we never had down times we would not have the capacity to appreciate the ups. 
The problem arises when this continues for a prolonged period of time and becomes a dark cloud that not only hangs over us but represents our experience of life.  It wears on us and breaks us down—no person can sustain this feeling.  We start to feel depressed.  We get easily irritated.  We get down on ourselves and those around us.

But it’s important to develop the life skill of snapping out of this mind frame, and the first step towards gaining that skill is to define what you want out of life. But why is it so important to know what you want?  Isn’t the desire for happiness enough?
Well, if you don’t know what you want, than it becomes tempting for other people to tell you what they want you to do. Why would you want someone else decide for you what you want in your life? What is the cost of living that way?

I would venture that the cost is your individuality, your freedom, you self-confidence.  And even your life.  Life is short, and time is your most valuable resource—the measure of every moment—why would you give this resource away?
Knowing what you want not only empowers you to make decisions but it also helps you to take ownership of your own life. What makes our lives different is based on what we want and the decisions and choices we make because of that.

Because a defined "want" becomes our purpose—a fixed point on the horizon—and our decisions become the tools we use to steer towards that fixed point.  Without decision, without a fixed purpose, we have no direction and we are bound to stray off course.  How can you even have a course if you never take the time to define it?

So why is it sometimes so difficult to make decisions?

The word decision is derived from the Latin verb “de -caedere” which means to cut off. Every time we make a decision, we’re faced with a trade-off. Saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else, and thus in the process of making decisions we’re sometimes confronted with this feeling of loss. And it makes sense.  Because every time we choose something, we have chosen not to opt for countless other paths in life.  You can only take one course.  You can only move in one direction at a time.  But the right decision-making process can help you to define which course leads to the greater good.

The Process of Defining What you Want

Answering this life coaching question of what you want requires a holistic view of life that identifies the different areas of healthy living—family, relationships, career, health etc.   Life is a system, and as in any other living system, balance is vital.  Every component affects the other components, and in order for the system to function properly they must exist in harmonious balance.
 
First, sit down and define your level of satisfaction in each area, using a scale of 1 to 10. In a perfect world, you would have 10 in each area–but that is not reality. We are never a perfect 10.  Just as the components of Nature’s systems fluctuate and re-balance from time to time, our own components are constantly shuffling.  The most important thing is realizing the need to strive for balance.

Zoom in on each of the different components.  Let’s say your level of satisfaction in your career is currently at a level 3.  Okay, so what would a career level 9 look like for you? How would that be different? How would that affect the other areas in your life?

Take a close look at that gap between level 3 and level 9. What is the difference between your current career situation and your desired career situation? And how does that affect the overall quality and balance in your life.

Once we clarify what that higher level means just in that one area of our life, we can start setting goals.  We have spotted our fixed point on the horizon, and now we can navigate towards it.  Obstacles may lie before us, just as people and resources will help us proceed.  But with a plan of action, we can now make decisions.  And that is the true essence of moving forward.

Life Coaching Principles of Change | Part 2

by Dieter Pauwels May 4, 2010

You Need To Know HOW To Change

You need to have the know-how, or the means to facilitate the change you want. In other words, how do you go about the change you want to create? What is the process? What is your best personal strategy?

Even when you are totally committed to making a change, if you don't know 'how', it will be very difficult to follow through and achieve the result you desire.
 
By understanding the process of change, you can work more effectively with the process, instead of fighting or resisting it. Understanding precedes change!
 
Start with the end result in mind. Imagine for a moment that you already have created the change you want. What would that look like? What would that feel like? What would be different in your life? What would be the consequences of the change you made? Is this what you really want?
 
In order to create the best personal success strategy for you, consider the following necessary components in the process of change: 
 
Resources 

  • Personal qualities:
    What inner resources (skills and/or capabilities) do you already have or need to develop in order to move forward with confidence to achieve your outcome? What other resources are available to you today that you might not have thought about?
     
  • People:
    Who might be a good external resource for you? Do you know anyone who has already achieved a goal similar to yours? Enlist the help of friends, a support group, a mentor, or a professional life coach who can assist you in developing an action plan for the changes you desire.

  • Objects:
    Books you can read, equipment, audio CD's or DVD's with information you need.

  • Time:
    Do you have enough time to dedicate to the achievement of your goal? If not, how can you create more time? What will you have to say 'no' to, in order to make more time for what you really want.


"Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid of standing still." 
(Chinese proverb)

Actions 
Action is about moving forward, one step at a time. We all have the urge to move forward in life. It is an urge to become more whole, to find more meaning and balance.

Think about the change or outcome you are committed to, and ask yourself, "What actions can I take today that will move me toward my desired goal?"

If the idea of taking a huge leap forward overwhelms you, you can break it down into smaller steps and more manageable tasks.

The larger the change in direction, the shorter the time it will take to come to new scenery. However, even the slightest change will take you on a different journey, if you persist. Focus and reinforcement are critical as you work toward your goal, because the slightest change in mindset can alter your course dramatically. 
 

Skills 
Perhaps you need to brush up on your skills, or acquire some new skills, such as communication skills.

Habits
What stops most people from making the change they want, are their habitual actions and thoughts. All habits accomplish something of value, otherwise they would not have become habits in the first place. But times change, and you have changed, and your current habits may no longer serve your purpose.
When you change, things will change for you!

Only you know the best strategy for making the changes you want. You are the expert of your life. Ultimately, you are the only one responsible for the decisions you make or don't make. When you don't take control of your life, don't be surprised when someone else does!

"The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving."
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Life Coaching Principles of Change | Part 1

by Dieter Pauwels March 25, 2010

If you're like me, and most other people, there are things in your life that you wish were different and would like to change for the better. Although you may have had the best intentions to manifest a desired change in the past, for some reason you have not been able to successfully achieve the results you want.

Perhaps you have wanted to kick a bad habit. Or you feel you deserve a raise or promotion at work, yet something is preventing you from asking for it. Alternatively, you find yourself in a relationship that is no longer fulfilling. Maybe you have wanted to lose weight, and have tried all the miracle diets, or joined a local health club, but never shed those extra pounds. What prevents us from making the changes we desire?

Whatever the change is that you want to make, as a personal life coach I would like to challenge you to reflect for a moment on the following and important question:

"How much do you really want to change?"

Often, we try to make changes in our lives to live up to the expectations of others, or because others want us to. There is nothing wrong with the intention of trying to change for someone else, but my experience tells me that true long-lasting results must come from within.

Life Coaching Principle #1: YOU have to really WANT to change!

Dare to ask yourself this obvious question! What are the benefits of me not changing?

Sometimes people try to create change in their lives, but are not consciously aware of the positive benefits or side effects that they are getting from their current situation.

For example: Some people who label themselves as depressed, stay depressed, because of the extra emotional attention they are receiving from family and friends. The desire for attention, or the need for significance, becomes a strong enough motivator for them to stay depressed.

Think about the positive benefits of the situation you would like to change. What are some of the emotional / physical positive side effects of your current situation? How important are these benefits to you? How could you maintain the same positive side effect by making the change you desire?

Inner conflict

People often resist the change they think they want, because of an inner conflict between the values they hold. Let me illustrate with another example: Let's assume that you want to get a promotion at work but never asked for it. Now imagine for a moment that you actually did receive the promotion you wanted. What would getting a promotion mean to you? More money? And how important would that be compared to some other values that you hold?
If a promotion means a better paycheck, but it also means more time away from your family, this may create inner conflict which will likely cause you to resist moving forward. What you resist will persist!

Self-limiting beliefs and thoughts

Another reason why people resist change because they hold on to limiting beliefs that prevent them from moving forward and getting the results they really want. Think for a moment about the change you want to make …

How confident are you that reaching your goal or outcome is possible for you? Do you believe that you have what it takes to make that change? In other words, do you believe that you are truly capable of reaching your desired outcome?

Now, again imagine that you already successfully achieved your outcome. How would this new situation affect you and the people around you? And, would that be okay?

By exploring some of the questions above, you may discover some limiting beliefs you hold about yourself or the situation you want to change. It is only when you become consciously aware of the internal barriers - positive side effects, conflicting values, or limiting beliefs - that you will be able to make a full personal commitment to the process of change.

"We can learn to be the catalysts for our own change." (Sarah Ban Breathnach)

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