If you're like me, and most other people, there are things in your life that you wish were different and would like to change for the better. Although you may have had the best intentions to manifest a desired change in the past, for some reason you have not been able to successfully achieve the results you want.

Perhaps you have wanted to kick a bad habit. Or you feel you deserve a raise or promotion at work, yet something is preventing you from asking for it. Alternatively, you find yourself in a relationship that is no longer fulfilling. Maybe you have wanted to lose weight, and have tried all the miracle diets, or joined a local health club, but never shed those extra pounds. What prevents us from making the changes we desire?

Whatever the change is that you want to make, as a personal life coach I would like to challenge you to reflect for a moment on the following and important question:

"How much do you really want to change?"

Often, we try to make changes in our lives to live up to the expectations of others, or because others want us to. There is nothing wrong with the intention of trying to change for someone else, but my experience tells me that true long-lasting results must come from within.

Life Coaching Principle #1: YOU have to really WANT to change!

Dare to ask yourself this obvious question! What are the benefits of me not changing?

Sometimes people try to create change in their lives, but are not consciously aware of the positive benefits or side effects that they are getting from their current situation.

For example: Some people who label themselves as depressed, stay depressed, because of the extra emotional attention they are receiving from family and friends. The desire for attention, or the need for significance, becomes a strong enough motivator for them to stay depressed.

Think about the positive benefits of the situation you would like to change. What are some of the emotional / physical positive side effects of your current situation? How important are these benefits to you? How could you maintain the same positive side effect by making the change you desire?

Inner conflict

People often resist the change they think they want, because of an inner conflict between the values they hold. Let me illustrate with another example: Let's assume that you want to get a promotion at work but never asked for it. Now imagine for a moment that you actually did receive the promotion you wanted. What would getting a promotion mean to you? More money? And how important would that be compared to some other values that you hold? If a promotion means a better paycheck, but it also means more time away from your family, this may create inner conflict which will likely cause you to resist moving forward. What you resist will persist!

Self-limiting beliefs and thoughts

Another reason why people resist change because they hold on to limiting beliefs that prevent them from moving forward and getting the results they really want. Think for a moment about the change you want to make …

How confident are you that reaching your goal or outcome is possible for you? Do you believe that you have what it takes to make that change? In other words, do you believe that you are truly capable of reaching your desired outcome?

Now, again imagine that you already successfully achieved your outcome. How would this new situation affect you and the people around you? And, would that be okay?

By exploring some of the questions above, you may discover some limiting beliefs you hold about yourself or the situation you want to change. It is only when you become consciously aware of the internal barriers - positive side effects, conflicting values, or limiting beliefs - that you will be able to make a full personal commitment to the process of change.

"We can learn to be the catalysts for our own change." (Sarah Ban Breathnach)

What does it mean to be congruent?

Congruency is derived from the Latin verb 'congruere', which means 'to meet together' or 'to agree'.

Being congruent is when, who you are (values and beliefs), what you say, and what you do is in agreement or harmony.

At a deeper level, personal congruency exists when your true desires (intention), your thoughts (attention), feelings and actions are aligned with your core values. Only then can you move toward balance in your life and experience more joy, fun and fulfillment. Congruence is about honoring the deeper truth within you.

When your heart wants to go one direction, and your mind goes into a different direction, then the body gets stuck in the middle. This causes stress, inner turmoil and disease.

• In what areas of your life do you feel that you are not being congruent?
• Where do you experience stress or inner conflict?
• When are you not being true to yourself? What is missing?
• What values are being violated?
• What would you like to have more of in your life? What would you need to let go of?

How can we go about becoming more congruent? Consider the following life coaching tips.

First, become mindful of your intentions.

Your energy in life is directed by your intentions, which create the reality you experience. When you have conflicting intentions, you will experience conflicting thoughts, which result in stress and anxiety. Every desire to change in your life starts with the intention to do so.

Setting your intent is very different than just wishing or wanting something. Notice the profound difference between, "I wish I could change this", and "I intend to change this."

Second, pay attention to your most dominant thoughts.

The structure of your thoughts is revealed through your internal dialog. You can dramatically change the quality of your life when you develop inner voices that serve and support your true intentions. A simple way to find out whether or not your inner thoughts are supporting or limiting you, ask yourself: "Would I say the same words to a friend, family member or a colleague who needs my support?"

Third, the truth is often found in the body.

Have you ever had a knot in your stomach, or experienced butterflies in your stomach? Or perhaps you have felt uncomfortable being around certain people?
Have you ever made a decision with your head when your body was telling you something different? What was the result?

During my life coaching conversations,I often ask my coaching clients to get out of their head and into their body. I would ask questions like: "What is your gut telling you?", or "What does your heart tell you about this?" The answers are often very insightful and liberating!
 
Choose to be congruent, rather than consistent!