You Need To Know HOW To Change

You need to have the know-how, or the means to facilitate the change you want. In other words, how do you go about the change you want to create? What is the process? What is your best personal strategy?

Even when you are totally committed to making a change, if you don't know 'how', it will be very difficult to follow through and achieve the result you desire.
 
By understanding the process of change, you can work more effectively with the process, instead of fighting or resisting it. Understanding precedes change!
 
Start with the end result in mind. Imagine for a moment that you already have created the change you want. What would that look like? What would that feel like? What would be different in your life? What would be the consequences of the change you made? Is this what you really want?
 
In order to create the best personal success strategy for you, consider the following necessary components in the process of change: 
 
Resources 

• Personal qualities:
  What inner resources (skills and/or capabilities) do you already have or need to develop in order to move forward with confidence to achieve your outcome? What other resources are available to you today that you might not have thought about?
   
• People:
  Who might be a good external resource for you? Do you know anyone who has already achieved a goal similar to yours? Enlist the help of friends, a support group, a mentor, or a professional life coach who can assist you in developing an action plan for the changes you desire.
  
  
• Objects:
  Books you can read, equipment, audio CD's or DVD's with information you need.
  
  
• Time:
  Do you have enough time to dedicate to the achievement of your goal? If not, how can you create more time? What will you have to say 'no' to, in order to make more time for what you really want.

"Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid of standing still." 
(Chinese proverb)

Actions 
Action is about moving forward, one step at a time. We all have the urge to move forward in life. It is an urge to become more whole, to find more meaning and balance.

Think about the change or outcome you are committed to, and ask yourself, "What actions can I take today that will move me toward my desired goal?"

If the idea of taking a huge leap forward overwhelms you, you can break it down into smaller steps and more manageable tasks.

The larger the change in direction, the shorter the time it will take to come to new scenery. However, even the slightest change will take you on a different journey, if you persist. Focus and reinforcement are critical as you work toward your goal, because the slightest change in mindset can alter your course dramatically. 
 

Skills 
Perhaps you need to brush up on your skills, or acquire some new skills, such as communication skills.

Habits
What stops most people from making the change they want, are their habitual actions and thoughts. All habits accomplish something of value, otherwise they would not have become habits in the first place. But times change, and you have changed, and your current habits may no longer serve your purpose.
When you change, things will change for you!

Only you know the best strategy for making the changes you want. You are the expert of your life. Ultimately, you are the only one responsible for the decisions you make or don't make. When you don't take control of your life, don't be surprised when someone else does!

"The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving."
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

If you're like me, and most other people, there are things in your life that you wish were different and would like to change for the better. Although you may have had the best intentions to manifest a desired change in the past, for some reason you have not been able to successfully achieve the results you want.

Perhaps you have wanted to kick a bad habit. Or you feel you deserve a raise or promotion at work, yet something is preventing you from asking for it. Alternatively, you find yourself in a relationship that is no longer fulfilling. Maybe you have wanted to lose weight, and have tried all the miracle diets, or joined a local health club, but never shed those extra pounds. What prevents us from making the changes we desire?

Whatever the change is that you want to make, as a personal life coach I would like to challenge you to reflect for a moment on the following and important question:

"How much do you really want to change?"

Often, we try to make changes in our lives to live up to the expectations of others, or because others want us to. There is nothing wrong with the intention of trying to change for someone else, but my experience tells me that true long-lasting results must come from within.

Life Coaching Principle #1: YOU have to really WANT to change!

Dare to ask yourself this obvious question! What are the benefits of me not changing?

Sometimes people try to create change in their lives, but are not consciously aware of the positive benefits or side effects that they are getting from their current situation.

For example: Some people who label themselves as depressed, stay depressed, because of the extra emotional attention they are receiving from family and friends. The desire for attention, or the need for significance, becomes a strong enough motivator for them to stay depressed.

Think about the positive benefits of the situation you would like to change. What are some of the emotional / physical positive side effects of your current situation? How important are these benefits to you? How could you maintain the same positive side effect by making the change you desire?

Inner conflict

People often resist the change they think they want, because of an inner conflict between the values they hold. Let me illustrate with another example: Let's assume that you want to get a promotion at work but never asked for it. Now imagine for a moment that you actually did receive the promotion you wanted. What would getting a promotion mean to you? More money? And how important would that be compared to some other values that you hold? If a promotion means a better paycheck, but it also means more time away from your family, this may create inner conflict which will likely cause you to resist moving forward. What you resist will persist!

Self-limiting beliefs and thoughts

Another reason why people resist change because they hold on to limiting beliefs that prevent them from moving forward and getting the results they really want. Think for a moment about the change you want to make …

How confident are you that reaching your goal or outcome is possible for you? Do you believe that you have what it takes to make that change? In other words, do you believe that you are truly capable of reaching your desired outcome?

Now, again imagine that you already successfully achieved your outcome. How would this new situation affect you and the people around you? And, would that be okay?

By exploring some of the questions above, you may discover some limiting beliefs you hold about yourself or the situation you want to change. It is only when you become consciously aware of the internal barriers - positive side effects, conflicting values, or limiting beliefs - that you will be able to make a full personal commitment to the process of change.

"We can learn to be the catalysts for our own change." (Sarah Ban Breathnach)

We live in a world with tremendous possibilities, endless opportunities and more choices than during any other time in history.

With the choices and freedoms we enjoy, come a variety of challenges. The choices we make are not always positive. In fact, some of them can be self-destructive.

Choices bring with them increased responsibilities, challenges and changes. In the face of the myriad of options we have, our challenge is to make decisions that will advance ourselves, our communities, and our world.

Change and challenge often combined leave us in dynamic, fast paced and complex situations that we are not always prepared to deal with. Change, and the challenge of dealing with it, creates anxiety, discomfort and a feeling of uncertainty among many of us.

Dieter Pauwels is a life career coach, speaker and author based in St. Louis, MO.
He facilitates personal and organizational transformation and works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, navigate change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness. 

What can the metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly teach us about personal development, emotional boundaries, change and creating new possibilities? 

Consider the following.

Every caterpillar has a specific destiny - to become a butterfly.

Though it has no choice in the matter – it will always be a butterfly! – It must nonetheless eat to gain strength and size to reach its potential as a beautiful winged creature.

That you have a free will and so many choices, of course, only heightens your responsibility to find your true vocation in life.

Viktor Frankl, the Austrian psychiatrist who survived the horror of the Nazi death camps during World War II, wrote in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, that life charges each of us to carry out a specific mission. This particular task is ours alone, for our lives can neither be replaced, nor repeated.

"There are two great days in a person's life -
the day we are born and the day we discover why." (W. Barcley)

You cannot become a butterfly by remaining a caterpillar.

At first, a caterpillar protects itself from the outside world, wrapped inside a chrysalis. It then grows and strengthens itself until the day it is ready to emerge as a whole new being.

Just like a caterpillar, you want to give yourself permission to seek a safe space at times to cherish, rejuvenate, reflect, strengthen - and sometimes heal - yourself for your continued journey toward freedom, success, happiness and fulfillment. 

Yet, you cannot become what you want by remaining what you are. Whatever you choose to become, you must be prepared to break out of the cocoon of self-limiting beliefs, past hurts, regrets and fears that hold you back, and do the work required – whatever the risks.
Because for things to change in your life, you have to change!

"You must take personal responsibility.
You cannot change the circumstances,
the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.
That is something you have charge of." (Jim Rohn)

Once a butterfly, you can never go back to being a caterpillar.

Once you break out of your limiting and self-imposed cocoon, you will create new insights, new possibilities for growth – and even more change.

Welcome change as an opportunity to grow and to become more of who you really are.

About Dieter Pauwels:

Dieter Pauwels is a professional personal  life coach, business and career coach, speaker and author, facilitating personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness.
You can visit his life coaching and business coaching website at or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business coaching blog.

Throughout your life’s experiences, you accumulate assumptions, accomplishments, habits, failures, judgments, opinions, beliefs and values. You have learned to define your sense of self based on these collected experiences, judgments, opinions and beliefs. They become the filter through which you see the world and determine how you experience your life. They also become the fabric of your perceived identity. When something threatens your sense of self, you adopt fear as a natural defense mechanism.

Fear is an emotional reaction to a projected and perceived loss or a change in the image your hold about yourself.  Your fears are a direct reflection of your most dominant thoughts, feelings and emotions that you associate with a future event.

The more you identify  - who you are - with, for example a job, a relationship, or making a certain amount of money, the more likely you will experience fear, anxiety and the need to control when circumstances change.

Other self sabotaging behaviors in the face of fear include procrastination, lack of focus, anger or resentment and pleasing others.

Free yourself from fear!
 
1) Identify the things you fear the most.

I’m afraid that …
I’m afraid to ….
I feel scared when …

2) Discover the underlying core fear.

Core human fears include commitment, responsibility, change, loss, confrontation, not measuring up and rejection.

What does your most dominant fear tell you about yourself and how you view and perceive the world around you? Identify any erroneous or limiting beliefs or assumptions about yourself. Listen to what you’re telling yourself, what’s your inner critic telling you?

3) Ask yourself :"Who would I be without that fear?"

During a life coaching conversation, a coaching client expressed her fear of getting hurt again in personal relationships. I asked her the following question: “Who would you be without that fear?"

She responded, "A more confident person who is open to new possibilities and willing to take chances."
Next I asked her, "What would be the opposite of the fear of being hurt?"
She responded: "The freedom to love and be loved."
"And isn't that what you really want?" I asked.

4) Focus on what you truly want.

The moment you focus on what you really want, instead of what you don't want, your mental energy is free to move you forward.  You no longer have to waste any resources thinking about the stuff you no longer want in your life. 

Some inner resources you want to draw on to create the results you desire, and free yourself from fear include self confidence, trust, commitment, creativity, flexibility, honesty, and patience and love. 

5) Adopt empowering beliefs that support what you really want.

In order to access these resources however, requires new and empowering beliefs.  Your beliefs should be positive and supportive of the changes you want to make, or the things you want to achieve.

When you change your beliefs, you change your expectations. When your expectations change, your attitude and consequent behavior changes!

"Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is a freedom."  
(Marilyn Ferguson)

Here are some techniques to use to help you shift your focus to supportive and positive beliefs: 

• Think of someone who could be a mentor to you. This person could be a friend, a parent, a spiritual leader, an author, co-worker, or anyone else who represents those inner resources and qualities that you seek.
  
• Ask yourself what this person believes. Then ask them directly what their beliefs are that help them to be successful. Give yourself the advice you think he or she would give you regarding your fears and limiting beliefs.

Realize that there is a causal relationship between the beliefs you hold about reality and the real events that just "seem" to happen to you.  You live your beliefs and therefore you seek the evidence to support them!

Ultimately, you are responsible for the changes you make in your life. The good news is that you already have the inner qualities and resources you need to make the changes you want. Accessing them requires confronting your fears, challenging your self-limiting beliefs, and then shifting your focus to move forward.  Once the choice to move forward opens up to you, seize the opportunity and choose freedom over fear!

About Dieter Pauwels:

Dieter Pauwels is a professional certified life, business and career coach, speaker and author, facilitating personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness.

You can visit his website at www.dieterpauwels.com or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on his blog at http://lifecoaching.dieterpauwels.com
 

Energy in motion creates emotion. The energy needed to move forward and fully engage in the process of your life comes from your emotional state. People who successfully manage their emotional state are masters of their own destiny! Unless you manage your fear, it will manifest itself as a negative emotion.  When this happens, fear blocks the energy you need to follow through on your goals, and create positive changes in your life. If you turn your fear around, however, you can use this "fear factor" as a powerful motivator to break through mental barriers.

When you allow fear to control your life, it creates strong emotional and physical reactions. Fear is what is behind comments like, I choked, I froze, or I felt paralyzed.  The reason you choke, freeze, or feel paralyzed in the face of fear, is because you get stuck in a single and limited perspective about the meaning of the fear that controls you.

Identify Self Limiting Beliefs 

Once you have identified the fear that has the most control over you, you then want to examine the limiting beliefs you hold about that fear. To elicit your limiting beliefs, ask yourself the following:

• What does the fear mean to you? For instance:  What does failure mean to you? What does rejection mean to you? What does change mean to you?
  
• What are the specific characteristics of the fear that are so troubling?
  
• What does it mean to be the victim of the fear?  What does it mean to be a failure?  What does it mean to be rejected?  What does it mean to face change? 
  
• How do you believe you will feel, or be perceived, if you fall victim to the fear?
  
• Do you view the situation as an opportunity for growth or simply another reason to quit trying?

The fear itself is not holding you back so much as what you believe will happen if the fear actually turns out to be legitimate.  If you believe that your fears will cause only a temporary set back, you are much more likely to take a risk, than if you believe your fears will result in a permanent and negative outcome. 

The beliefs you hold about failure and success directly affect your emotional state and they greatly influence your behavior. Your behavior in turn influences the results you get. It is only when your results change, that your life will change!

When you change your perspective and inner representation about the fears that hold you back, you will build the self-confidence and trust necessary to move forward and fully engage in the process of your life.  Reaching this full engagement requires that you cast away the fear and the limiting beliefs. 

About Dieter Pauwels:

Dieter Pauwels is a professional certified life, business and career coach, speaker and author, facilitating personal and organizational transformation. He works with both individuals and teams to create new possibilities, manage change and maximize their productivity and personal effectiveness.

You can visit his website at www.dieterpauwels.com or read his comments and thoughts on the impact of coaching on life and business on his blog at http://lifecoaching.dieterpauwels.com
 

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience
in which you really stop to look fear in the face."   (Eleanor Roosevelt)

During this magnificent fall season, trees let go of their leaves in order to restore balance and prepare for new growth in the spring. Do you ever wonder about the incomprehensible power of life that brings them back every spring?

In times of change and adversity, we are all challenged to make choices and to make decisions. You may not be responsible for the circumstances or changes, like the breakdown of our financial system, but you are responsible for the decisions you make within those circumstances.

During his inaugural speech in January of 1961 John Kennedy said, “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country," These words not only challenged a generation, it also ignited a spirit of shared interest and selflessness that made us feel like we could belong to something bigger than ourselves.

Today’s obstacles and challenges are our calls to action. You can either accept that calling and take full responsibility for your actions, or you can choose to ignore it.

Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, once said that every adversity, every failure, and every heartbreak, carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.

I want you to think about a time in your life, or a meaningful moment when you faced adversity or a personal challenge. Perhaps it was the loss of a loved one, the breakdown of a relationship, conflict with a coworker, struggling with a career decision….

Whatever the situation is that you are thinking about right now, I suspect it was a moment when you learned something significant about yourself – yet the lesson didn't come until later. If the situation was significant enough for you to recall just now, then you likely came through the ordeal knowing more about who you are and what you are really capable of. That's the beauty of adversity that so many people fail to embrace.

Think again about that meaningful moment, "What were some of the emotions and feelings you experienced leading up to it? Perhaps you felt discomfort, anxiety, doubt, inner turmoil, panic, fear, despair or confusion… Not the kind of emotions we associate with positively.

So the question is, "What is it that makes these moments so valuable and important, so powerful that we should actually want to attract these kinds of experiences in our lives?"

The answer lies in what happens after these 'growth' or change experiences. Looking back, what were some of the emotions and feelings you experienced afterwards? Perhaps you felt more powerful and confident? Maybe you developed some new insights, built a higher self-esteem, a greater team spirit, more self-confidence or more serenity?

Aren't these the experiences that make life worth living? Aren't these the moments of truth that define us as people, as a community, as an organization? You better believe it.

The challenges are opportunities for you to break out of your cocoon and let go of the limiting beliefs and fears that are blocking you. Just as a caterpillar must escape its cocoon to grow and become the butterfly it was meant to be, so too you must look for opportunity in those experiences that challenge you to break free from past habits, thoughts, reactions, and ideas. One cannot become a butterfly by remaining a caterpillar! And once you experience life as a butterfly, you will never want to go back to being a caterpillar.

My experiences working as a professional life coach with many people going through intense periods of change, tell me that we should welcome challenges and obstacles as opportunities to grow.

I'm convinced that it is through times of change and adversity that we have an opportunity to reconnect with our true selves, that we find meaning and direction in what we do, and then use our new found knowledge to serve the greater good.

Think about the stagnation you'd encounter if everything were to stay the same, your company, your job, the people you work with, the environment – you would certainly have certainty and you would certainly know what to expect, but you would almost certainly be bored, unproductive, and uncreative.

The price of certainty seems much too high to pay. Change, on the other hand, can exhilarate you, it can motivate you, it can inspire you – and yes, it can scare you, but you don't have to let it defeat you.

Change is inevitable but to grow from it is a personal choice!

You can choose to withdraw or reconnect. If you choose to reconnect, you are choosing to create something that can be better and more successful than ever before.

The choice is yours alone to make!

I believe we should all do work that matters. Today, we all put in too many hours, and accumulate too much stress, to work at something that isn't personally engaging and rewarding.Too many people stay in unsatisfying and unfulfilling jobs, simply because it provides the material definition of success. All too often, our sense of who we are is defined by the work we do.
 
More and more people are waking up to the fact that we need to get back to what really matters, what really will have an impact on our personal sense of safety, security, and well-being.  Increasingly people everywhere are starting to reevaluate their life's direction.

In times of change or any other adversity, whether it is a personal change, a business or career transition, people in general tend to respond in two different ways: they withdraw for self preservation, or they face their fear of change head on.

The interesting thing however, is that both responses are motivated by the same need - the need we all have for a sense of certainty in our lives.

Change, by definition, is uncertain and our reaction to change reflects a desperate need to gain a bit of control.
Whatever the change you are facing, you can choose to deal with it head-on, or head in the sand.
 
Those who choose the head in the sand approach when faced with adversity, are the people who shut down and withdraw themselves. They do this in order to protect themselves.Their feelings of frustration, anger, and anxiety are too much to cope with all at once, so they retreat.
Unfortunately their flight causes them to disconnect, not just from themselves and their personal needs, but from others and the world around them as well. This disconnection is a fear reaction, and if you run away from fear, you miss the opportunity to learn, to grow and to attract the things you really want in your life.

Fear of change is what prompts self-limiting behaviors and thoughts, rather than seize the opportunity to learn from the challenge and seek new truths about ourselves.

A much more productive and positive reaction to changes and challenges is to face the fear head on.  Rather than disconnect, this is a time to reconnect with the person you really are - at your core. Re-ignite your passion and meet face your challenges from a place of authenticity, resourcefulness and centeredness.
 
When you are able to see every challenge as an opportunity to grow and to contribute, you consciously expand your sense of self. You are able to tap into your inner resources and draw out the very best of yourself and others.

In times of change and adversity, we are all challenged to make choices and to make decisions. You may not be responsible for the circumstances or changes in your life, but you are responsible for the decisions you make within those circumstances.

You can choose to withdraw or reconnect - if you choose to reconnect, you are choosing to create something that can be better and more successful than ever before. The choice is yours alone to make!

The most important tool we have to increase our productivity and personal effectiveness in times of change is our mind. When we encounter change, the most intuitive reaction is to search for danger or to look for problems. We go into survival mode, because this is what we have conditioned our mind to do.

The problem is that we get stuck into this negative state of mind and very quickly our performance starts to suffer.

Dealing with change more effectively requires us to think.

First, focus your attention on the things you do control;

• your thoughts
• your behavior
• your daily actions and activities
• your emotional state
• your attitude 

Second, expand your mental and emotional boundaries.  Get uncomfortable and challenge the security and safety of old work routines and thought patterns. Get excited about inviting new ideas and creating new concepts. Suspend disbelief and risk believing in yourself, your team and your organization.