"We cannot change anything until we accept it.
Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses."
(C.G. Jung)

The second principle of self mastery might present the greatest challenge at first. Yet, in the end it could well deliver the greatest gift of all.

Accepting WHAT IS!

We are who we are. We do what we do, and we do the best we can in any given moment, based on the beliefs we hold.

The beliefs we hold form the core of our judgments. We see what we believe, because we always look for evidence or so called 'facts' to support and reinforce the beliefs we have adopted. We continue to believe our beliefs in order to 'protect' ourselves. Accepting what is, means suspending or letting go of the judgments about ourselves, others and the events in our lives. When we judge what we see and how we feel, we push away the opportunity to change.

It is only when you give up 'what should be', based on your judgments, that you can fully experience the perfection of 'what is'.

"When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless."
(Byron Katie)

When you accept what is, you will begin to experience the freedom this new perspective brings. When you lose the blinders of restricting beliefs and accept the gift of clarity, you will see options and opportunities that were previously unavailable to you.

"One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself."
(Leonardo da Vinci)

Today is the first day of the rest of your life!

Give yourself permission to …

embrace being here, walk in the rain, savor magic moments, understand others even when you don't agree with them, smell flowers, hold hands, raise the bar, make pumpkin soup, listen to the wisdom of children, celebrate success, daydream, simplify your life, watch the moon and stars come out, say hello to everyone, listen to your dreams, seek what is good and honorable, be more of who you are, go on adventures, learn a new skill, sing in the shower, discover your talents, be romantic, be thankful, take the leap, be brave, discover new worlds, and share a fantasy.

Choose to …

have a clean heart, never give up, be happy, kick a bad habit, expect the best of every day, vote, take action, make a big splash, feel strong and capable, laugh and cry for the health of it, dance, ask a colleague for advice, develop a positive state of mind, ask lots of questions, set your intent, draw and paint, take responsibility, see things differently, fall down and get up again, take it easy, choose from your heart, accept failure as feedback, look at the sky, refuse to accept the reasons why it can't be done, trust your intuition, learn from mistakes, be fully present, turn off the TV, be honest, and focus on what matters most.

Decide to …

live out your imagination, not your past, stay up late, create harmony, take risks, take naps, make new friends, find out what you love, learn new things, get excited about your life, stand on your head, follow your heart, drink hot chocolate, inspire others, have faith, trust your intuition, color outside the lines, take a walk in the park, have positive thoughts, give the world the best you have, be curious, be there when people need you, lean into the wind, say I'm sorry, be courageous, listen to music, put on a smile, and keep your promises, not matter what.

Get excited and …

find out how things work, make up new rules, soak up the sun, doubt your doubts, tell stories, celebrate life, see for yourself, get started .. and keep going, embrace change, feel beautiful, be patient, persist, transform negatives, really love the people you love, strive for excellence - not perfection, be passionate, be forgiving to yourself and others, reach out, go the distance, believe in yourself and others!

"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."
(Oprah Winfrey)

The leadership challenges we’re facing today in our social, political and economic world are not so much about competency, as they are about integrity and character. This causes skepticism and distrust amongst many of us.

1. Know yourself authentically

Practice being what you wish others to become.

2. Listen authentically

"We travel the world in search of what we need, and return home to find it." 

I'm getting ready to return "home" to visit with family and friends. I'll be staying at a beautiful place called "Koningsteen", a wellness and training center in the heart of Belgium. My mother started this center over 10 years ago and my brother Steven is now running the day to day operations. 

I look forward to spending some time in my native country, away from all the politics and financial turmoil, and reflect some more on the impact of life coaching in today's world.

In his book "The Inner Game of Tennis", Timothy Gallwey focuses on the game that's in the mind of each player. According to Gallwey, performance equals potential minus interference.

A tennis player faces two types of interferences. One is the outer opponent on the court, the other is the inner opponent in his or her mind. More often than not, the inner opponent is the tougher of the two. The inner game reflects the struggle each player has with his/her own mental limitations. Gallway identifies the inner opponent as that part of you that is judgmental, thinks too much, overanalyzes and tries too hard.

The first step in overcoming the limitations of your inner opponent is to become more aware, and focus on what you are actually doing, instead of what you should be doing. Second, and perhaps more importantly, is to let go and trust your natural ability to learn.

We all have been given the capacity to learn. In fact, most children learn to walk before they can be told how to do so by their parents. Children gain confidence from the natural learning process happening within them.

In our relationships, business and health, we all vow to do better. We all have an innate desire to grow and excel in the things we do. But as we grow older, the thinking (and trying) sometimes gets in the way of our innate ability to learn and grow!
 
Growing up, I remember watching a great tennis match on television with my two brothers. After watching the game we would go outside and replay the match. We modeled great tennis players,like Borg, Connors and McEnroe, from the way they hit the ball to the sights and sounds of their game. These were perhaps the best and most fun games we ever played.

A great way to tap into your natural ability is to model the people who have demonstrated excellence in your field. Look for the difference that made the difference! Find out how they do what they do so well. How do they think? What goals and values do they have? What are the beliefs they hold about themselves and others?

When you study and model excellence, while trusting your ability to learn and grow, you will get excellent results. In order to win in the game of life, you need to win the inner game first.

Do you ever listen to the sounds of silence? Do you provide time in your life to quiet down the constant chatter in your mind?

Visualize for a moment a beautiful lake in the mountains, and imagine looking into the water, watching a reflection of yourself. This image of you will be undistorted because the water is calm and still. It is only in quiet waters that things mirror themselves undistorted. It is only within a calm mind that things are reflected as they are, without distortion.

When you quiet down the chatter in your mind, you will go beyond the surface of judgment, comparison and limiting beliefs. It is in those moments that authentic truth can be found. Mindfulness requires no justification or rationalization. It is what it is.

Some people may find it difficult to make 'quiet time' because of their busy routines at work and at home. Others perceive silence as uncomfortable, or even awkward. They tend to fill up the perceived emptiness in their lives with even more noises, such as television, radio, inner chatter or meaningless conversations over the phone.

Remember that it is the space between the notes that makes the music. Without that emptiness, that silence in between, there would be no music, only noise.

I often find that it is in the moments of silence that a deeper structure is revealed. It is in those moments that authentic truth can be found. This truth requires no justification or rationalization from your ego. When you listen to the sounds of silence, you allow yourself to go beyond the surface of judgment, comparison and limiting beliefs.

Silence often enhances your perspective and allows you to see things differently. This expanded view adds to your understanding, enjoyment and appreciation of life.

Choose to make room for more quiet time and reflection in your life. Perhaps this means giving up a TV program or using a coffee break at work to reflect a few moments in silence. Some prefer to go to a quiet place in the park, while others may discover this deep silence by just walking, jogging, or meditating.

Isn't it time for a silent conversation?

Successful organizations understand that the key to increased productivity and profitability lies in the ongoing professional and personal development of people.

These companies create an environment where people can grow, develop their unique talents and align their values with a corporate vision.

Your answers to the following 10 questions might illuminate some areas for improvement.

1. What is your level of commitment to the personal development of your staff?
   
2. Do you know what motivates and inspires your staff and/or employees?
   
3. What are your company’s vision and core values, and how do you communicate them within your organization?
   
4. Are you confident your top people will be with your organization 1 year from now? How do you know?
   
5. If you would be asked to rank your leadership skills on a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rank yourself? How confident are you with your answer?
   
6. How do you empower your staff or employees to help them co-create your company’s culture?
   
7. Does your organization inspire creativity and open dialogue?
   
8. Are you getting the results you want?
   
9. Do your managers and/or employees have the necessary tools, skills and commitment to help others develop their true potential?
   
10. What do you want more of within your organization? What’s missing?

More and more companies hire a coach to work with individuals or teams within their organization to facilitate changes within the context of the organizations’ culture to achieve extraordinary results.

Coaching is focused on individuals, not business systems. It allows you to move your organization to the next level by investing in your employees at the highest level: in them as people.

Coaching is about developing the most important aspect in business today: leadership from within. It is only when people can effectively manage themselves that they can effectively manage, inspire, encourage and lead others.

Companies hire a coach to work with individuals or teams within their organization to:

• Improve individual performance and self confidence
  
• Increase effectiveness and productivity
  
• Establish open dialogue and creativity
  
• Improve communication skills (interpersonal and negotiation)
  
• Retain employees
  
• Align personal values and beliefs with a corporate vision
  
• Create a leadership attitude
  
• Gain clarity to make objective and thoughtful decisions
  
• Assist in developing measurable goals and taking responsibility
  
• Improve time management
  
• Build leadership, management and team building skills
  
• Manage work related stress
  
• Increase energy and overall well-being

During this magnificent fall season, trees let go of their leaves in order to restore balance and prepare for new growth in the spring. Do you ever wonder about the incomprehensible power of life that brings them back every spring?

My webmaster and programmer, Larry Mrazek, of LCM Research  - a St. Louis based company that helps companies manage and develop web, ecommerce, database and market research projects - advised me to submit my life and business coaching blog to the social blogger community at Blogcatalog.com

It's one of the larger Blogger communities on the web and they just launched a new search engine allowing you to find more relevant blog articles on the topics of your choice. 

In times of change and adversity, we are all challenged to make choices and to make decisions. You may not be responsible for the circumstances or changes, like the breakdown of our financial system, but you are responsible for the decisions you make within those circumstances.

During his inaugural speech in January of 1961 John Kennedy said, “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country," These words not only challenged a generation, it also ignited a spirit of shared interest and selflessness that made us feel like we could belong to something bigger than ourselves.

Today’s obstacles and challenges are our calls to action. You can either accept that calling and take full responsibility for your actions, or you can choose to ignore it.

Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, once said that every adversity, every failure, and every heartbreak, carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.

I want you to think about a time in your life, or a meaningful moment when you faced adversity or a personal challenge. Perhaps it was the loss of a loved one, the breakdown of a relationship, conflict with a coworker, struggling with a career decision….

Whatever the situation is that you are thinking about right now, I suspect it was a moment when you learned something significant about yourself – yet the lesson didn't come until later. If the situation was significant enough for you to recall just now, then you likely came through the ordeal knowing more about who you are and what you are really capable of. That's the beauty of adversity that so many people fail to embrace.

Think again about that meaningful moment, "What were some of the emotions and feelings you experienced leading up to it? Perhaps you felt discomfort, anxiety, doubt, inner turmoil, panic, fear, despair or confusion… Not the kind of emotions we associate with positively.

So the question is, "What is it that makes these moments so valuable and important, so powerful that we should actually want to attract these kinds of experiences in our lives?"

The answer lies in what happens after these 'growth' or change experiences. Looking back, what were some of the emotions and feelings you experienced afterwards? Perhaps you felt more powerful and confident? Maybe you developed some new insights, built a higher self-esteem, a greater team spirit, more self-confidence or more serenity?

Aren't these the experiences that make life worth living? Aren't these the moments of truth that define us as people, as a community, as an organization? You better believe it.

The challenges are opportunities for you to break out of your cocoon and let go of the limiting beliefs and fears that are blocking you. Just as a caterpillar must escape its cocoon to grow and become the butterfly it was meant to be, so too you must look for opportunity in those experiences that challenge you to break free from past habits, thoughts, reactions, and ideas. One cannot become a butterfly by remaining a caterpillar! And once you experience life as a butterfly, you will never want to go back to being a caterpillar.

My experiences working as a professional life coach with many people going through intense periods of change, tell me that we should welcome challenges and obstacles as opportunities to grow.

I'm convinced that it is through times of change and adversity that we have an opportunity to reconnect with our true selves, that we find meaning and direction in what we do, and then use our new found knowledge to serve the greater good.

Think about the stagnation you'd encounter if everything were to stay the same, your company, your job, the people you work with, the environment – you would certainly have certainty and you would certainly know what to expect, but you would almost certainly be bored, unproductive, and uncreative.

The price of certainty seems much too high to pay. Change, on the other hand, can exhilarate you, it can motivate you, it can inspire you – and yes, it can scare you, but you don't have to let it defeat you.

Change is inevitable but to grow from it is a personal choice!

You can choose to withdraw or reconnect. If you choose to reconnect, you are choosing to create something that can be better and more successful than ever before.

The choice is yours alone to make!

Do you ever make assumptions based on what you think you know will likely happen? Do you ever get caught up in the habit of predicting things?

One of the reasons we make assumptions is because we have a constant desire to explain things, so they fit within our personal view of life. We like to explain things based on what we know, and what we know is influenced by our experiences, opinions and beliefs.

In order to make things fit within our personal boundaries, and therefore validate our own point of view, we often fill in the blanks and get into a habit of making assumptions. We second guess and predict what will happen, what people will do or say.

We feel better saying, "This is what will happen", or "That's how it is", even if it isn't completely true. Have you ever made assumptions about something or someone only to find out later that the assumptions you made weren't true?

We expect that someone will do this or that because it is what you would do. We develop concepts about how things are and construct opinions on just about everything.

We often assume that other people share the same perception as we do. Our expectations, based on the assumptions we make, are often at the core of the conflicts and drama we experience at work and in our personal relationships. Our attachment to how things are 'supposed to be' can cause hurt feelings, dis-ease and damaged relationships.

If you catch yourself in the habit of making assumptions, let go of this need to control, and stop filling in the blanks. Notice and respect how valuable and unique each personal view really is.

Communicate with others as clearly as you can by asking better questions and expressing what you really want. What someone else thinks is true, might surprise and enlighten you!

I believe we should all do work that matters. Today, we all put in too many hours, and accumulate too much stress, to work at something that isn't personally engaging and rewarding.Too many people stay in unsatisfying and unfulfilling jobs, simply because it provides the material definition of success. All too often, our sense of who we are is defined by the work we do.
 
More and more people are waking up to the fact that we need to get back to what really matters, what really will have an impact on our personal sense of safety, security, and well-being.  Increasingly people everywhere are starting to reevaluate their life's direction.

In times of change or any other adversity, whether it is a personal change, a business or career transition, people in general tend to respond in two different ways: they withdraw for self preservation, or they face their fear of change head on.

The interesting thing however, is that both responses are motivated by the same need - the need we all have for a sense of certainty in our lives.

Change, by definition, is uncertain and our reaction to change reflects a desperate need to gain a bit of control.
Whatever the change you are facing, you can choose to deal with it head-on, or head in the sand.
 
Those who choose the head in the sand approach when faced with adversity, are the people who shut down and withdraw themselves. They do this in order to protect themselves.Their feelings of frustration, anger, and anxiety are too much to cope with all at once, so they retreat.
Unfortunately their flight causes them to disconnect, not just from themselves and their personal needs, but from others and the world around them as well. This disconnection is a fear reaction, and if you run away from fear, you miss the opportunity to learn, to grow and to attract the things you really want in your life.

Fear of change is what prompts self-limiting behaviors and thoughts, rather than seize the opportunity to learn from the challenge and seek new truths about ourselves.

A much more productive and positive reaction to changes and challenges is to face the fear head on.  Rather than disconnect, this is a time to reconnect with the person you really are - at your core. Re-ignite your passion and meet face your challenges from a place of authenticity, resourcefulness and centeredness.
 
When you are able to see every challenge as an opportunity to grow and to contribute, you consciously expand your sense of self. You are able to tap into your inner resources and draw out the very best of yourself and others.

In times of change and adversity, we are all challenged to make choices and to make decisions. You may not be responsible for the circumstances or changes in your life, but you are responsible for the decisions you make within those circumstances.

You can choose to withdraw or reconnect - if you choose to reconnect, you are choosing to create something that can be better and more successful than ever before. The choice is yours alone to make!

The most important tool we have to increase our productivity and personal effectiveness in times of change is our mind. When we encounter change, the most intuitive reaction is to search for danger or to look for problems. We go into survival mode, because this is what we have conditioned our mind to do.

The problem is that we get stuck into this negative state of mind and very quickly our performance starts to suffer.

Dealing with change more effectively requires us to think.

First, focus your attention on the things you do control;

• your thoughts
• your behavior
• your daily actions and activities
• your emotional state
• your attitude 

Second, expand your mental and emotional boundaries.  Get uncomfortable and challenge the security and safety of old work routines and thought patterns. Get excited about inviting new ideas and creating new concepts. Suspend disbelief and risk believing in yourself, your team and your organization.